


Incinerate

by MoodyAquarius



Category: Nirvana
Genre: M/M, Nirvana 1990, Nirvana 1990 tour, nirvana slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-03-21 17:45:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13746084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoodyAquarius/pseuds/MoodyAquarius
Summary: Slow burn Dave/Kurt fic of Nirvana beginning with Dave joining the band in 1990.UPDATE: I decided to resurrect and continue this story because I've always wanted to write this and I just need to buckle down and commit. If you read this, if you enjoy this, PLEASE let me know, It is my love child. I want to continue it but I get discouraged sometimes and wonder if anyone is reading it. Thank you, thank you!! xoxoalso, the title of every chapter corresponds to Lounge Act by Nirvana (for you die-hards like me)





	1. I've got this friend, you see

**Author's Note:**

> 'What? That's Nirvana? Are you kidding? What, that little dude and that big motherfucker? You're kidding me'. I laughed. I was like, 'No way'"

Crunchy bits of gravel and soggy grass stuck to the grooves in his hiking boots as a lanky, long-haired drummer followed his new band mates up the steps of a moss-covered single story home. It looked abandoned except for a single glowing orange light coming from inside and the faint sound of bass from a stereo melding with the blue-glow of the moonlit night. 

“Is it always this wet out here?” It sounded stupid as it escaped him. The smaller of the pair stopped mid-step and turned his blonde head toward Dave. Blue eyes like bullets grazed him, he felt heat in the look. The larger of the two answered, as if on cue for Kurt, like he’d read his mind and was commanded to speak his thoughts.

“Most the time.” his tone was much lighter and playful than Dave imagined Kurt’s would be. Krist ran a hand through his frizzy, dark hair, twisting a key in the door with his other. A surge of nervousness passed through him as he stepped over the rotted foundation, each new thing he did with these two feeling like an initiation or rite of passage. He assumed this was Krist’s home, his assertion was soon proven as a small dark haired woman met the tall man at the door and pulled him down for a kiss.

She broke from his lips and exclaimed excitedly, “This must be the new drummer!” Dave felt a twinge of anxiety from her words, like there had been many before and would be more after him. He only now began to notice more people hanging around inside the dimly lit home.

Krist chuckled warmly, “Shelli, this is Dave. He’s the drummer.” 

Dave smiled awkwardly, watching as Kurt broke their tight formation to grab a beer from a cooler sitting against the wall in the living room. The entire place was decorated for Halloween, but very modestly, anyone could tell their budget was limited, but it gave the place charm. 

“Anyway, Dave this is my wife.” He too walked away to grab a beer, offering one to Dave politely. He obliged, cracking the can open and sipping, trying to sate his anxiety and fear of social failure. He wanted this job to work out so badly, seeing as how his previous band had just kind of fallen apart. His eyes followed Kurt magnetically, watching as he approached the stereo-system like it was his own, grabbing the record currently playing and switching it out for something else. He and Krist were obviously very comfortable, he wondered how long they’d known each other. 

The other people seemed to talk amongst themselves and didn’t really notice they had arrived. Awkwardness hung in the air, Shelli dismissed herself to the kitchen, Krist sat himself on the floor while Kurt seemed to pace the room. Dave stood, not knowing what else to do. 

A few beers later, people started head banging along to the songs rocking out of the stereo, Dave had been coaxed into sitting on the couch between two goth-looking girls smoking on the sofa. Kurt had settled into a lounging position on Krist’s lap, sipping beer elegantly. A hard, rapid knocking at the door launched everyone out of their skin, Krist burst upward with booming laughter, going to the door and greeting a pizza delivery man with a wad of cash.  
He set three boxes of pizzas down on a small coffee table, disappearing to another room and reappearing with a bag of weed and rolling papers. “Who can roll a decent joint?”

Kurt made a non-committal huff and lit a cigarette, the other people didn’t even seem to hear his question. Dave began to wonder why they hung out with corpses. He shrugged and cracked a small, friendly smile, “I’ve been known to roll a joint or two..” 

“Sweet, here you go, man,” He handed off the supplies, Dave tried to set up station in his lap, taking buds from the bag and separating the leaves out onto his knee. Hell, he should know how to roll a joint or two, he’d been smoking weed since he’d first heard of it back in middle school. Soon, he finished it, tongue darting out to dab at the edge of the paper, gluing it all together.

He reached into his jean pocket, pulling a lighter out and flicking it to life over the end of the joint, taking a deep inhale. Other people began to open the pizza boxes, grabbing slices. Dave took another puff, holding it in and passing it off to the girl on his side. He felt eyes on him, but when he turned in the direction he felt it, no one was looking at him. He felt the dizzy spell of the marijuana begin to creep up into his head, making everything around him move slower.

The joint made its way back to him, as he puffed his eyes locked on a pair of eyes he hadn’t fully engaged yet. They stopped him in his tracks and he choked on the smoke in his lungs. The girls beside him made concerned faces, then followed his gaze to the smoldering blonde with sapphire eyes staring him down. Anyone would have choked.

Kurt held his jaw in a vice, clenched and tilting off to one side, cheeks red from the alcohol in him and eyes so intense it was impossible to look away. He flipped his hair forward, covering his eyes as he glanced rapidly away from the brunette, who took a recovery hit and passed it. Dave then stood, clearing his throat and stepping out through the door he’d come in, most were too invested in pizza to notice his movement.

All but Kurt, who also stood and moved to follow him out. Dave saw that and felt his heart begin to pound furiously. The blonde shut the door softly behind them as they stepped out into the misty, cold October night. He coughed and spit at the deck, kicking his shoe against the decaying wood, eyes burning into Dave’s back. The drummer sat on a creaky porch step, hands clenched together tight in a fist.

“Hey, um…” Dave’s ears perked up, not expecting him to speak first. “I didn’t formally say it, but welcome to the band, dude, Krist and I are really stoked that you’re here, man, it’s.. Nice to have someone who can play at the level we want our music to be at.. If that makes any sense..” This was the most Dave had ever heard out of him in the two months he’d known Kurt. He blinked, taking every word in. 

“I.. I don’t know what to say...but thank you, it’s… I mean, if you can’t tell, I’m still really nervous.” he felt his stomach do a flip as Kurt lowered himself down to sit beside him. 

“If… I mean I know there’s been rumors about how many drummers we’ve gone through, and I just want you to know that… I mean, we’re really hoping this will work out.”

Dave gulped, “M-me too, me too.” He made a quick glance at him, the moonlight only making him look that much more surreal and intimidating. Why was he so intimidated? What was he intimidated by? His talent? Yes. His looks? Why was he even thinking about that? Something about Kurt didn’t feel like a regular man, Dave felt inexplicably drawn to him, he has such a warmth and softness to him..

“I hope we can become really good friends.” He caught a small smile playing at the corners of Kurt’s mouth and it made him break out into his famous full-on toothy, dorky grin of his. Kurt’s smile deepend as he caught sight of Dave’s smile, he quickly drew his eyes away, reaching for something in his coat pocket. Dave watched long, skeleton-like fingers pull out a cigarette.

“You got a light?”

Dave whipped his lighter out of his pocket, holding a flame for Kurt. The blonde leaned forward, dipping his cigarette into the flame. A lock of straw-colored hair fell toward the flame but was saved by Dave’s rapid reflexes, fingers brushing the hair back behind Kurt’s ear as he puffed his cigarette to life. He leaned back, regaining the foot of space between them, deciding not to comment on that little gesture, rather just letting it sit in the air between them. 

Dave’s stomach was in knots at this point, despite his little body high from the cannabis. He watched Kurt smoke, then caught himself watching and tore his gaze away. It didn’t go unnoticed on Kurt’s end, he just decided to keep his poker face on, puffing away silently. Silence hung in the air between them. 

Kurt cleared his throat gently, “You’re not having fun in there, are you?”

“No, I- It’s not that I’m not having fun, I just--” he caught himself lying, so did Kurt’s eyes, they cut right through his bullshit, seeing the truth in his flushed cheeks. “Why am I lying to you?” He sighed. “I’m sorry, just… not really my crowd I guess.”

“It’s alright.” smoke slithered out his nostrils slowly.

“I get anxious… being around new people… and I hardly know you two, to be honest, so…”

“It’s cool, I get it.” Kurt’s tone was genuine, caring and kind. “Baby steps, right?” Dave turned to meet his gaze, Kurt took a long drag then crushed his cigarette against the porch. “You wanna go jam?”

Hours of practice turned into days, days turned into weeks and before he even knew what was happening the three of them were on a flight to New York, headed to England. They didn’t have anything on them but their instruments and a bag of clothes each, and what else did they need really? In all those days spent together, basically every waking moment the three of them were together. Dave began to feel more comfortable, nervously settling into his place in the band, completely unaware of the insanity to follow.

“Your elbow is digging into me, you bony bastard.”

“Fuck you, man,” Kurt lodged his elbow deeper into Krist’s ribs, which made the bigger man get up in a huff. “Oh come on Kris, what’re you doing?”

“Taking a walk around the aircraft, away from you.” He feigned hurt, stomping away down the empty aisles. Dave had never been on a private flight before, they had the entire plane to themselves and it was a little eerie.

Kurt rolled his eyes, “Drama queen.” Dave chuckled, munching on a stick of beef jerky. 

“How much longer do we have on this flight?” he tucked a piece of dark hair behind his ear. 

“Couple hours, get comfy.” Kurt sighed sharply, adjusting his walkman headphones which were blaring Mudhoney out of the tiny speakers. He let his eyes slide shut beneath his sunglasses, bundled in layers of clothing, trying to get comfy in the straight-backed seat.

Dave bit his lip, trying to hold back a question, not wanting to sound immature to Kurt. He pulled one headphone askew, whispering, “Do you wanna play a game?”

“What kind of game?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“Twenty questions?”

“Why that one?”

“I.. I wanna get to know you better.” Kurt could practically hear the blush in Dave’s voice he didn’t even need to look at his face to confirm it. “Plus it’s fun..”

The blonde couldn’t bring himself to let Dave down, something about that puppy-dog look he got in his eye when he really wanted something just struck him to his core. He felt deep affection for this man beside him and nodded in agreement, letting himself smile softly, “Sure, but only if you go first.”

Dave got a contemplative look on his face, looking like he was flipping through an internal catalogue of questions before finding one he could live with asking. It amused Kurt how he could watch the cogs turn in Dave’s head, he had one of the most expressive faces he’d ever encountered. Every emotion he felt was on full display and the honesty of it made something deep in Kurt ache. 

“What’s your idea of a perfect day?” He sat up in his seat, looking eager and anxious to hear Kurt’s answer, brown eyes wide and doe-like.

“My perfect day?” Kurt smiled gently, eyes getting distant as his mind contemplated the question and the images it invoked, his smile faded away. Something far away stirred up inside him and he remembered a day when his dad had gotten to stay home from both his jobs and they rigged up the sprinklers and his parents each held his tiny hands as they ran through the cold water, together. He felt his throat clog up with emotion, feeling the pangs of sadness digging into his soul, preventing him from ever being happy like that again.

“Kurt, are you okay?” The blonde nodded rapidly, keeping his eyes away from Dave’s.

“Y-yeah… Uh.. I think my perfect day would probably involve… well, punk rock music for sure, like a live show or something, then… pizza, some good weed, some nice sex maybe,” He coughed softly into his elbow, clearing his throat roughly, “I dunno, something like that.”

Dave tried (and failed) to hide his concern for his friend, voice overly gentle, “Okay, your turn. Ask me anything.”

Kurt considered that for a moment… anything? Maybe… why do you keep looking at me like that? “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?”

Dave seemed a little caught off guard by the question, smiling and shrugging a little, “Worst? Huh…” He was silent for a moment before softly starting, “Well… probably my parent’s divorce.” 

Kurt’s eyes snapped up to meet Dave’s, finding pain and hurt there that he knew all too well. “Your parents divorced, too?”

“Yeah, when I was six.” Their eyes stayed locked, each finding confirmation and safety in the moment.

“I was nine.” 

“Damn, guess there’s a lot of us, huh?”

“Guess so..” He blinked slowly, blue eyes glazed with sadness and understanding. They shared a silent moment, a comfortable silence. Dave cleared his throat softly. 

“A lot of the time I think I was too young to really understand, but in retrospect it… destroyed me... Everything you thought was definite… absolute… like you think your parents will both always be… mom and dad, that solid unit, but, uh, they just couldn’t do it, I guess.”

“Yeah. I remember how they used to fight.. Always about money, or how me and my sister were doing, if we had enough… it was always enough, all I ever wanted was my family, didn’t matter if we lived in a shoebox, y’know?”

“Yeah, exactly, exactly.” Through the shared pain they each felt closer, finding it easier to talk, words just flowing naturally.  
“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” 

“Oh, god, I’ve done a lot of things I regret, Dave.” He sighed hard, closing his eyes before beginning, with a low grumble, “There was… this girl who lived on my street, she… wasn’t handicapped per say, just kind of slow, y’know? Like she just had weird things about her, kind of a weird smell too.. And… well I…” 

“You didn’t!”

“I… did, and immediately regretted it, it was horrible.” He cringed. 

Dave clapped a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, I’ve done some pretty horrible stuff too.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

“I… Well, there was kind of this kid my friends and I used to bully… and one time stuff got really dark and I assisted in a situation I should have stopped… I’ll never forgive myself, it was so bad.” Dave’s voice trailed off, looking disturbed. Kurt didn’t push the subject.

Krist returned, squinting through a clunky video camera strapped to his hand, wheezing in a high-pitched voice, “Kuuurt, Daaave, what’re you doooing?” Kurt pushed the camera out of his face, hissing at Krist to back off. Dave just smiled pleasantly, waving at the camera.

Later in the flight as Krist settled down he made himself a makeshift bed by pushing all the armrests out of the way on a row of chairs, lying his long body out across them. Kurt and Dave shared a pair of headphones, watching probably the tenth in-flight movie. As the climax of the film played out, Dave noticed Kurt going limp.

He looked down, seeing a head of blonde hair pressed into his shoulder, he moved softly, dipping his shoulder down so Kurt could rest in the crook of his neck where it was comfier. The smaller man stirred softly, eyes fluttering open, shutting as soon as they had flown open. Dave peeked around the plane, realizing it was a silly gesture because Krist was asleep and the only other person around them. 

He softly moved the armrest from between them, folding it upward, encouraging Kurt’s half-asleep body to move closer. He wrapped his arm around his waist, tugging him closer and securing his limp head into the nook of his collarbone. Dave then closed his eyes, feeling his heart begin to stutter and pound as he felt Kurt’s gentle breath against his skin. 

He couldn’t explain what he was feeling but he knew he had to crush it because there was no chance in hell that Kurt felt even remotely the same. Of all the times to catch feelings for someone, what an inappropriate time and place in his career. He’d finally made it into a band that was geared toward success, with friends, real friends he could rely on and what does his stupid brain go and do? 

Kurt stirred softly against him, nose skimming his collarbone and making chills shoot up his spine. Dave’s air caught in his lungs, it was so intense being near him. Slowly, cautiously, he moved a hand to Kurt’s head, fingers slowly digging into his scalp, scratching and tugging softly at the blonde tendrils. He felt the singer purr and cuddle closer, smiling against Dave’s warm skin.

“Fuck.” Dave murmured to himself, feeling his heart begin to race. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”


	2. who makes me feel

A long beige corridor stretched out in front of them, each with their hands full of luggage, following the leader- Kurt- like ducklings. They walked in order of tallest to shortest and Dave chuckled as he realized it, making Krist poke at his shoulder from behind, asking, 

“What?”

“Nothing, man, I’m loopy from the flight.” 

“I slept like a baby.” Kurt yawned, entering the conversation and tossing a glance backward at Dave. Was that flirtation he read there? It couldn’t be.

“Yeah I saw you and our drummer gettin’ all cuddly there,” Krist’s voice frequently took on a goofy, light-hearted lilt to it, “You two looked like peas in a pod, aww,” 

Dave kept his face on the carpet in front of him, he could feel his cheeks burning up and he was starting to wonder if Krist really was joking around or if he had crossed some sort of line with HIS best friend. His heart started fluttering in his chest. 

The sound of Kurt’s soft voice sedated his anxiety, “Green doesn’t look good on you, Kris.” 

“Green?” Krist repeated, mouthing the word in thought, “Green, oh, jealousy? Right. Haha, sure, man, sure.” he laughed warmly to himself.

Kurt was the first to pass through the portal that led to the connecting airport existing outside the beige expanse of hallway. Awaiting them was a small British man in a Black Flag hoodie who immediately met Kurt with an eager handshake, introducing himself, speaking ten miles a minute. Dave came-to mid conversation, hearing him say:

“Shuttle van outside, you’ll be staying in a rental home where there will hopefully be plenty of room for the three of you, the roadies, as you know have already arrived and have been in the home, the tour begins in two days and you’ll all pack up and go by van.” 

“Alright, sounds good, man, sounds good, right now we’re just looking for a meal and some sleep.” 

“Of course, I believe dinner arrangements have been made somewhere, we’ll get you to the city,” with that he began walking, they all followed, eager to get some rest after the long flight. They walked briskly through the airport, presenting their passports at a kiosk, getting stamps and continuing on. Kurt and Krist looked like pro’s, Dave could only imagine what he looked like, marveling at the stamp on his passport. 

Finally, they passed through the front doors, able to taste fresh air for the first time in what felt like days. The skies above were heavily clouded and every shade of grey imaginable. Dave gaped at the beauty in the streets, all made of cobblestone, old, crumbling buildings accented with pops of colorful hanging plants. Cyclists passed them by, intermingling with cars in a way that looked natural, weaving around the bumpy roads like it was nothing. The air and the gloom made it seem rain was possible at any moment. Dave zipped his leather jacket shut, gripping the handle of his duffle bag tighter, making sure not to stray too far behind the group.

They walked for a couple minutes then dipped down into a substation, getting on a car and watching as their tour guide navigated the jumble of color-coordinated street maps, murmuring, “Our stop is third.” 

“This is incredible,” Dave felt the words escape him before he could reel them back. 

“Darling, this is just a sub, wait till you see the true beauty of the English countryside.” 

Dave smirked slightly at casually being called “darling”, also very different than home. The four of them sat in silence after that. Dave’s eyes began walking up and down Kurt, taking in all the elements of his outfit, admiring his unique style. First, a pair of red oval sunglasses perched atop his maine of blonde waves. He wore three layers of shirts, first one striped black and white, second an army green jacket inside of a heavy-looking brown coat. His skinny long-john clad knees poked out of holes in his jeans that led down to his signature black sneakers.

A pair of cyan-blue eyes stabbed right into him, catching him looking. The younger drummer tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, turning away, feeling his face grow hot. An embarrassed smile crept onto his face as he glanced back to look at Kurt, who was (oddly enough) smiling too. The singer wore a playful expression on his face, to Dave’s surprise. His eyes began scanning the drummer, which made his face grow even hotter.

Kurt smiled mischievously, taking in the sight of the twenty-one-year old drummer. He looked like he simply dipped his ponytail in bleach, platinum blonde locks stood out against his natural dark hair. He kept his big brown eyes away from Kurt, cheeks bright red, lips pressed together in an uncomfortable expression. Kurt laughed softly to himself, simply returning the favor. Dave wore all black, black long-johns, black shorts, black socks, black shoes, black t-shirt with a white undershirt. 

Krist cleared his throat loudly at the two of them, fake-coughing under his breath, “Get a room, guys,” Kurt, who was ripped prematurely out of his playful mood, turned his head at Krist to growl, 

“Shut the  _ fuck  _ up, Kris.” His voice was harsh and in no way joking.

Their navigator cleared his throat softly, uncomfortably, “This is our stop.” 

Later on, after they’d all had some food the mood lightened. They sprawled their suitcases around the home where there was space that wasn’t occupied by equipment, instruments, beer or people. Four roadies shared the space with them, Alex, Russell, Craig and Daniel. They all seemed like pretty cool guys, they’d all met about an hour ago and had some pretty decent Chinese takeout.

One of the men with the longest hair, Alex, maybe, Dave thought, pulled out a bag of weed, grinning, “Do you guys partake?”

Kurt, who had been noticeably quiet the entire time, sighed gratefully, “Fuck, I thought you’d never ask, man,” He moved closer to Alex(?) and patted him on the shoulder as he began to roll a blunt, “Thank you, dude.”

“No problem, brother,” he chuckled, picking apart buds and assembling a station. All of them formed a circle, sitting on couches and the floors in an arms reach. Krist sat between two roadies while Kurt and Dave ended up together cross-legged on a rug on the floor.

Dave’s eye followed movement as Kurt shucked his outermost jacket off, stretching his arms and rolling his shoulder blades ever so slightly. He felt a nudge against his arm on the opposite side of where he was looking, as his eyes moved he saw the burning blunt begging to be held. He reached out and took it gently, moving his lips over his fingertips as he held the paper, taking a deep inhale.

The strong, heavy and tasty smoke filled his lungs and just before he felt he was going to lose it and hack it all out he opened his mouth, letting smoke cascade up his face. He took another hit, holding it in and passing it to Kurt. Long, cold fingers brushed his as he secured his hold on the blunt, bringing it to his lips and taking a deep breath.

Kurt passed it, soon Dave lost track of everything happening, having a hard time focusing on one single thing around him. People were talking, smoke began filling the air surrounding them, coating the room in a fog. They all continued smoking, some people began to pull out sleeping bags and situate pillows. 

Russell approached Kurt, yawning, “You guys can have the upstairs bedroom, there’s a king bed and a couch.” 

“Sweet, thanks man.” Kurt smiled, getting up, clearly ready to sleep. Krist had his bass out, jamming with one of the roadies, Dave yawned wide, eyes watering. Krist grinned at the two of them, nodding,

“Go ahead and go to bed, guys, I’m gonna jam for a minute.” 

“Don’t need your permission,” Kurt snapped, then smiled wryly at Krist, walking over to him and giving him a hug from behind, snaking his arms under his as he played, “Goodnight.” 

Dave just waved to Krist, “Goodnight, Krist.” 

“Night, guys.” They turned, Dave following Kurt up the narrow stairs. Pictures of flowers hung on the walls, the place was decorated quite beautifully. Kurt walked up to a large wooden door, reaching at the knob and turning it experimentally. The door swung open slowly and heavily, he reached in for a light switch on the wall. Dave walked in after him, light from the hallway pouring in across the floorboards. He saw a string hanging from the wall and nudged Kurt toward it, motioning at it. 

He pulled on it and a tiny lightbulb in the center of the ceiling lit, slightly illuminating the room. It was a fairly small room, the king sized bed took up most the space, pushing against the walls. A small loveseat sat a foot away from the bed. Kurt yawned, running a hand through his hair and crawling up onto the bed, shrugging off his green jacket. 

Dave stood, eyes full of him, he reached behind himself, shutting the door.  _ Don’t be awkward, don’t be awkward.  _ Seeing as Kurt was undressing, Dave began lifting his t-shirt, but what he didn’t expect is that his undershirt would stick to it, exposing his entire torso as he lifted.

Kurt rolled his tongue, which caught Dave by surprise completely, making the air catch in his lungs as he realized what was happening. He tried pulling the undershirt down with one hand while lifting the t-shirt. 

“Showing off your bod, eh?” Kurt’s eyes drank him in, pretending he was joking, catching an eyeful of lean, tanned muscles. He felt jealous, knowing he’ll never look like that, he’ll always just be a skeleton. “I mean, if I looked like that I’d probably never wear a shirt.” 

Dave dropped the shirt, cheeks flushed, eyes wide and doe-like. He opened his mouth, but lost what he was going to say, gaping like a fish. He tugged at his hair, pulling at the elastic holding it in a ponytail, releasing it nonchalantly, trying to distract himself from his embarrassment.

Kurt licked his lips, unable to stop himself from eyeing him. Sure, he’d crushed on famous male musicians before and fantasized, maybe kissed a few guys at parties here and there, but when it came down to it Kurt had never seriously been with a man before and the thought of it thrilled and terrified him. He felt his blood coursing through his veins excitedly at the thought of being with this young, beautiful yet insecure man standing before him in a tight-fitting tank top and basketball shorts. 

Dave approached the bed nervously, biting his lip. Kurt watched him with tired, hooded eyes, the whites of his eyes looking a little pink from being stoned, Dave guessed he looked the same. Dave tried to settle into the bed, lying on his side on a pile of pillows, eyes still locked with Kurt’s. 

He started giggling, dimples breaking out across his stubbly cheeks. From this proximity Dave could see each and every little blonde hair on his face, he began mirroring him, smiling back and laughing, asking, “What?”

“Nothing, I just… feel good is all, sorry,” He tore his gorgeous eyes away, fixating on his hands. 

“No, don’t apologize,” Dave smiled warmly, watching his dimples fade and return as his smile faltered. Kurt’s eyes wandered back up to his face. Dave groaned softly, “Can… I be honest for a second?”

Kurt just nodded gently, waiting. Dave bit his lip, then licked his lips, sounding frustrated, “I… I just can’t get a read on you, man.” 

Kurt’s eyebrows drew together over his forehead, “What… what do you mean?”

“I… I mean, I feel like…” the words caught in his throat, what if he was misreading everything? He wouldn’t be able to live down the embarrassment and rejection. He was just getting taken for a ride by a pair of pretty eyes, that belonged to a man, his band mate, no less, who may even have a girlfriend, Dave wasn’t sure. He felt stupid, silly for believing for a second any of that joking meant anything. Idiot. Kurt is a friend, only a friend, hell a stranger a few months ago, slow the hell down Dave. He tried to start again, feeling Kurt’s eyes melding into him. “I feel like…”

“Like… what, Dave?” Was he scooting closer? Dave’s heart began pounding harder and faster, his breathing becoming slightly erratic, nostrils flaring ever so slightly. He had to be imagining that Kurt was grabbing his tank top, inching closer. 

Dave began hyperventilating as he felt Kurt’s stubble graze his chin. The tension between them was palpable, electric. He felt like if he moved quickly everything around them would catch on fire. Kurt’s eyes penetrated his being, he watched his lips part and begin to say, “Have you ever kissed a guy, Dave?”

The question made nerves catch fire deep in his groin. He stuttered, managing to say, “Y-yeah once at a p-party, nothing serious.” 

“Are you against the idea?” He skimmed his nose along Dave’s smooth, jutting jaw line, teasing. Dave felt like his chest was collapsing, his heart just couldn’t beat fast enough, he felt like he was losing a race, unable to catch up with himself or anything going on around him. This had to be the craziest high of his life. Kurt began leaning closer as a rumble sounded against the door, making the two of them jump at least a foot apart in panic. 

A very drunk looking Krist bumbled through the door, closing it loudly behind himself and announcing, “Move over, dicks,” Kurt and Dave scooted off to one side, allowing space for Krist, who collapsed face first into the mattress and almost immediately began snoring. Kurt laughed, breath sounding scarce, nervous even. 

It confirmed to Dave that the moment had actually just happened, which made his head spin. He gaped at Kurt, unsure of which question to ask first. Kurt just broke out into a sly smile, reaching up at the string on the ceiling and whispering, “Goodnight, Dave.” 


	3. and I wanted more than I could steal

Dave woke to someone nudging him in the shoulder, softly at first then a little harder, shaking him. His eyes opened lazily, body coming-to slowly, turning to lie on his back, mumbling, “Huh-wha?” 

“Dave, wake up, I need to talk to you.” 

“What?” He sat up on his elbows, eyes hazy, he blinked, looking up at Krist. “Talk to me? About what?” he yawned, rubbing his eyes.

A feeling of panic courses through his veins as he began to remember the night before, his heart racing as a foggy memory of Kurt washed over him. Yes… Kurt, so close, leaning toward him. He’d thought it was a dream, maybe it was. 

He didn’t feel fully awake yet, running a hand through his hair, eyes focusing on Krist. 

“Yeah I wanted to ask you if you drink coffee or not.”

Dave was caught off guard by the casualness of the question, “Ah, yeah, I like coffee.” 

“Alright, we’ll grab some on the way out, the guys are packing up, van’s almost ready to go.” He scratched at his goatee, “Then it’s tour time, man, you ready?” 

He swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat, “Yes, yeah I think so,” 

Krist smiled, clapping a hand on Dave’s shoulder reassuringly, “We’re gonna have so much fun.” 

He got up, pulling his hair up into a ponytail and began following Krist down the stairs. Kurt was nowhere to be seen. Krist dismisses himself to help the guys pack up. 

Dave walked over to his suitcase, pulling out a new shirt and a pack of cigarettes, grabbing one. He walked through the kitchen, opening the back door, walking out into a garden. 

He spotted a blonde sitting on a little bench, back facing Dave, clad in a fuzzy green sweater. Dave squinted softly at the sun coming through the clouds, which looked thinner than yesterday. He lit his cigarette, which made Kurt’s head turn. 

“Oh hey,” he murmured around his cigarette, pulling it from his lips, “Come sit with me, man.” Dave approached slowly, trying not to be weird, because that would make Kurt feel weird, he would pick up on it too quick. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good, pretty good. What about you, man?”

Kurt didn’t really respond, just shrugging, taking a long inhale on his cigarette. A silence hung between them, Dave scratched at himself nervously. Kurt cleared his throat and zeroed his piercing blue eyes in on Dave, grinning softly as worried brown eyes met his. 

“You look nervous.” His grin deepened, which made Dave burn. What could he say? Was last night real? From the look on Kurt’s face, he was beginning to believe it was. 

A lump caught in his throat again, making him sputter, coughing around his cigarette. He feels his throat tighten, chest deflating, heart pounding. Softly, so softly he didn’t even realize at first, Kurt’s long fingers pressed to his jugular, feeling his frantic heartbeat. 

He looked downright sinister as he said, “You are nervous, aren’t you?” 

Like a reflex, Dave responded, “Nervous? Why would I be nervous?” 

A playful light flickered to life in Kurt’s eyes, “About the tour? You’re not nervous?” Kurt’s voice was low and full of disbelief. Dave tried not to stare at him, he was a master of words, the double entendre he just pulled out of his ass made Dave’s head spin. He was beginning to see how smart Kurt actually was. 

He stumbled for an equally intelligent rebuff, not finding one and just muttering, “Fine, I’m nervous, okay?” 

They both knew what they were skipping around, at least Dave thought so. He honestly couldn’t tell if Kurt was fucking with him or not, that’s how good he was. It was like Kurt was playing chess, foreseeing Dave’s movements and check-mating him before he could strike. He let his eyes fall on the singer, feeling adrenaline coat his veins at the thought of performing on stage with him. With Nirvana. 

“I hope you know that we’re going to get really famous, really quick, Dave.” He looked up, peering through strands of golden blonde, “I hope you’re ready for that.” 

“Oh yeah?” Dave raised an eyebrow at him, smiling at his confidence. 

Kurt had no humor on his face, nodding solemnly, “It’s true. I hope you’re ready for it, because I’m not sure that I am.” 

He stood, silently snubbing out his cigarette against a brick, letting the omen sink into the air surrounding them. As he turned to leave he felt fingers snatching at his sweater. 

“Wait, Kurt,” he strained to meet that pair of gorgeous, beyond blue eyes. They graced him with a glance, shrouded in long, blonde lashes and deep bags beneath them. He licked his lips, feeling dry all of a sudden. 

Kurt’s upper lip quirked in an almost-grin, “Yes, Dave?” 

“Last night… When you… you asked me s-something…” 

The smaller man narrowed his eyes, “I don’t recall…” 

Dave stared at him, then smiled, deciding to play his game, “I’m gonna go grab some coffee.” 

“No, it sounded like you were gonna say something, Dave.” He stepped closer, flicking his cigarette away, crushing it beneath his sneaker. He relished in being able to make Dave squirm. 

“I… I, uh…” He couldn’t find the words. Kurt just grinned menacingly, looking him up and down like a meal. He grabbed the collar of Dave’s shirt, yanking him closer and whisper-growling in his ear, “You make it so easy.” 

He tucked a lock of Dave’s hair behind his ear, which sent chills down the drummer’s spine, gazing at the soft skin of his neck with scorching blue eyes. “I’m gonna enjoy this tour.” 

Dave opened his mouth but found nothing to say. Kurt walked swiftly past him, casting a glance back over his shoulder, but returning indoors. He couldn’t believe him, honestly. He made Dave feel as though he were hallucinating, was this just part of being his friend? Did he do this shit to Krist? 

Is he actually attracted to him? He can’t tell. He doesn’t understand anything and he hates it. He just ends up staring up at the sky, waiting for his semi-hard on to go down.

“Dave!” Voices called from inside the house, he took a deep breath and walked toward them, trying to mentally prepare himself to be around Kurt for the entire tour.

He entered the house, seeing roadies carrying things into the van, his suitcase was gone so he imagined someone grabbed it. Out the window he saw Kurt talking to Krist, all dimples and white teeth. He sighed under his breath, “Fuck,” 

……………………………..

“Pull over, I gotta take a whiz,” Daniel complained at Krist, a small voice sounding from the back of the van. It seemed everyone was sitting in ranks, Kurt and Krist shared the front while Dave squoze in the middle with the roadies while the rest took up the back seats. Kurt was bopping his head to music, staring out the window, but Krist heard his cry, pulling off to the side of the road. 

They were deep in the country, having passed through London and all the towns outside it, headed toward different cities, one by one. Tall grass and fields of hay stretched out in all directions. Dave was surprised by how much it reminded him of home.

As the van came to a complete stop, people started piling out, Dave decided he better pee too before they got back on the road for hours. He wandered away from the van, walking out toward a tree, trying to cover himself as much as possible before he zipped his pants down. 

He rejoined the other guys, standing around outside as Krist grabbed a cooler from the back, cracking open beers and passing them. He passed one off to everyone, all but Kurt that is, the men sipped, thanking him and standing in a semi-circle around the back of the van. Kurt was still in the passenger seat. 

Dave walked slowly over to him, approaching his window with a soft tap to the glass. A flash of light eyes drank in his face, he reached to roll the window down, peering up at Dave with an unreadable expression. The brunette began gently, “Hey there,”

“Hey,” he had a look of pain on his features.

“What’s wrong?” Brown eyes filled with worry, shoulders tensing in a protective manner.

Kurt’s lips quirked in an aborted smile, “It’s nothing out of the ordinary.”

“What do you mean?” 

Long, pale fingers scratched up through blonde locks, tucking them behind his ear as he shifted slightly to look up at Dave, squinting in the sunlight. His voice was low and melodic, musical even in the way he spoke, “I have this stomach condition,” he licked his lips, blinking heavily, clearly fatigued, “Doctors can’t figure out what it is, it comes and goes sometimes, it’s just flaring up right now.” 

“Oh,” Honey whiskey and coke colored eyes fell from Kurt’s eyes to his lips, then back, filled with empathy, “I’m sorry to hear that, man. Is there anything I can do to help?” 

“I wish.” He cringed slightly, faking a smile for Dave’s benefit. Dave stuffed his hands in his pockets, trying to come up with something.

His fingers brushed something, remembering the dime bag Russell had given him, his eyes lit up, “What about some pot, for the pain? That’ll help, right?”

“You have some?”

“Yeah, Russell gave me a dimebag… fuck I don’t have any papers though.”

Kurt reached down at the floor for something, making an ‘a-ha’ noise, lifting an apple triumphantly. “Now we just need a pen and a lighter.” 

Dave crawled back into the van to help Kurt rummage for a pen, they each had lighters in their pockets. His long hair brushed across the floor as he searched. “Found one,” he pulled a pen up from under the driver’s seat.

“Sweet, give it here.” Dave handed it over, climbing up into the driver’s seat, sitting beside him. He watched as Kurt twisted the stem of the apple off gently then plunged the pen through the hole, yanking it out and creating another hole on the side. He put his lips over the side hole he’d created, blowing air through it hard, forcing chunks of the fruit out. 

“You look like you might have done that I dunno… one or two times before..” Dave teased, heart jittering as glacier-ice blue eyes fixated on him. 

“Apples are easier when you don’t have a safe place to smoke.” He spoke solemnly. 

“Yeah, I’ve smoked out of them once or twice, I usually stick to papers m’self.” He grinned that huge, goofy smile of his, all the muscles in his face contributing to the effort. Kurt got caught in the gravity of the smile, confessing a thought out loud,

“You have an amazing smile.” 

It took his brain a moment to register that he’d actually said that out loud. Dave’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, blood glowing in his cheeks, smile turning into one of embarrassment. He managed to stutter, “Thanks,”

Kurt felt his face heat up, mirroring Dave’s blush. His eyes darted away to the apple, blowing on it again and mumbling, “‘T’sready.” Dave shakily passed Kurt the bag of weed, keeping his eyes on the floor. He reached into the bag, pulling the buds apart with skeleton-like fingers, carefully placing pieces on top of the natural little bowl the apple shaped into. 

Once it was loaded he closed the bag, passing it back to Dave and reaching into his jacket pocket for his lighter. He took a deep breath, then released it, positioning the apple in his hands, pressing it to his lips he took a deep inhale as he flicked the lighter to life over the greenery. 

Dave watched him out of the corners of his eyes, hiding behind his hair. He watched as the singer took the smoke in, straightening up, filling his lungs. He held it there for a few moments then expertly breathed out, smoke pouring out his nostrils. His eyes drooped ever so slightly, shoulders slackening as he slid back down to his hunched position in the seat. He offered the apple to Dave. 

“That was good.” he sighed.

“That looked good.” Dave bit his lip, unable to help himself. 

Kurt looked surprised, eyebrows moving a few notches up. He couldn’t seem to get the blush to leave his face. He watched Dave take a hit, feeling honestly flustered from the fact that he was flirting back. He took the apple as Dave offered it, taking another big hit and holding it, passing it back. 

They continued this back and forth a few more times until they were each staring at each other with big dopey grins, eyes red and droopy. Dave jumped a foot out of his seat as Krist jiggled the door open, shouting, “Secret smoke sesh?! Not cool, dudes, not cool!” 

Kurt cleared his throat with a choking hiss, “Sorry bro,” he chuckled deep in his chest. Dave giggled, heart still pounding from the surprise of his entrance. 

“Yeah, sorry, Kris, Kurt said his stomach was hurting so I was trying to help him out.” 

Krist shrugged, laughing, “I don’t care, we all just smoked a joint outside, I’m fucking with you guys. We figured you were either smoking or blowing each other, we don’t care either way.” 

Dave choked on his spit, sending himself into a coughing fit. Kurt threw the juice-soaked pen at Krist, snarling, “Fuck off,” 

Krist raised his arms, a grin still plastered on his face, “Alright, whatever. But we should probably hit the road, we have a show tonight.”


	4. I'll arrest myself, I'll wear a shield

“I’m gonna fucking puke.” The words fell from pale lips that accompanied a greenish blue face. He lunged for the nearest receptacle, hurling himself forward at small trash bin located right off the side of the stage. Dave had to look away as Kurt emptied his stomach, luckily it was pretty loud from the opening band playing so he couldn’t hear what he knew sounded horrible. 

As Kurt pulled his face up from the bin he began spitting, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, strands of tangled blonde locks hanging over his eyes and framing his discolored face. 

“Jesus, dude, are you alright?” Dave approached him slowly. Kurt held up his hand as a warning not to come any closer. 

“I’m fine.” He groaned, leaning his weight into the wall beside him. 

“This happens all the time.” Krist quipped, to the amusement of no one. Dave just frowned, staring at Kurt with deep concern in his eyes. Kurt wobbled over to a water cooler, pulling a cup off the stack and filling it. 

“I’m fine,” he repeated again, as more of a mantra to himself, bringing the cup to his lips and downing it. A stagehand walked right up to him, with a bottle of water, murmuring something. She placed the bottle in his hand and walked off, looking stressed, whisper-yelling into her headset. Kurt burped, muttering, “Two minutes.” He grabbed a little travel-size mouthwash container he keeps with him at all times, gargling out the taste of bile. 

Two minutes.

Fuck, in two fucking minutes Nirvana is debuting with their brand new drummer. Dave could feel the pressure sink into his bones. He knew he’d rehearsed every single song off Bleach and some of the newer ones Kurt was planning for a new album. He knew he’d worked his ass off learning each and every beat and listened to the songs a million times but he still felt anxiety creep up his throat, threatening to strangle him. 

Krist gave him a hard pat on the shoulder then wandered off. Kurt kicked at some cables on the ground around him, stepping over them to get to Dave. He reached out to him, taking his hand, which surprised Dave enough to blink out of his anxiety-driven paralysis. Kurt softly knit his fingers between the spaces in Dave’s hand, gripping tight and looking up at him, as Dave was a few inches taller. 

He waited for Kurt to say something, but he just kept staring up at him with those burning sapphire eyes, staring right into his soul. Dave bit his bottom lip, worry lines creasing his features. 

“What if… What if I’m not good enough?” He kept his eyes away from Kurt’s.

“Dave…” his voice was the softest he’d ever heard it. He reached up, brushing his fingers across Dave’s cheek gently, before grabbing his chin and yanking his face closer to his own, pressing mint-flavored lips to Dave’s all of a sudden. The drummer made a surprised noise in the back of his throat, jumping backward with a gasp. 

“Kurt, did you just--?”

“Sorry, I was trying to make you feel better.” he blushed, looking away.

“No, I… It was n-nice, I’m just…” He couldn’t comprehend that it had actually just happened. He’d imagined it going so differently. He’d fantasized it to be so much more spectacular, but he definitely was not disappointed. “Did that really just happen?”

“You should see your face right now.” Kurt chuckled.

The same stagehand bee-lined into them, announcing, “It’s time, it’s time! Where is your other guy?”

“Right here!” Krist, like bigfoot, wandered over, a dopey grin on his face. Kurt could tell immediately that he was tweaked on something, but he decided to ignore it, just rolling his eyes and reaching down to grab his guitar. Dave clutched his drumsticks, heart pounding out of his chest. Krist followed them as Kurt lead them onto the stage and they all took their separate positions. 

Kurt cleared his throat, tapping the microphone softly, moving his mouth closer to it as he said, timidly, “Good evening.” He leaned away from the microphone, adjusting his guitar-strap over his shoulder, flipping his hair forward so it covered most of his face. “We’re Nirvana.” 

Dave squirmed on his seat, staring at his drum kit like it was alien to him. He began panicking, his body unable to shake off the feeling of Kurt’s kiss. He shifted his eyes between Kurt and Krist, watching them shake off their nerves and get into place, he sucked in a deep breath, trying to do the same. Once he heard the music he’d be okay… once he heard the music…

Kurt played with a foot pedal, casting a playful glance backward at Dave. Their eyes met for the briefest moment and Dave thought he’d imagined it but Kurt definitely winked at him. Krist saw the interaction but pretended he hadn’t, plucking at his bass, then plugging it in. Kurt plugged his guitar in, which made a screech before he slammed his fingers down on the fretboard. 

He cleared his throat again, hovering over the microphone, “This song’s called Lithium.” And with that Kurt began his gentle, lovely strumming, beginning to move his head before raising his chin to sing.

Right before the words came out Dave’s practice kicked in and he instinctively began tapping at his symbol. Just as he’d thought, as Kurt’s gentle melodies filled the space around them his anxiety melted away and he began hitting his drums harder with the chorus, hearing the music as he was making it and genuinely loving and believing in the sound. It wasn’t just his lyrics, it was the assembly, the entire piece and Dave was beginning to believe and have confidence in the fact that he was a part of all this. And damn did they sound good. 

The rest of the set felt like a breeze, he remembered each and every beat he was supposed to hit and it all just began feeling natural. He couldn’t quite tell what the crowd was doing because of the bright lights but it felt like they were getting it. Every so often he would look up from his drums and his eyes would glue to the back of Kurt’s head, hair changing colors with the lights as he sang and strummed. He felt his heart push against his ribs like it wanted to jump right out at Kurt and it scared him how easy it was to fall for him. 

The rest of the songs were a blur and before he knew it they were done. They all waved out at the crowd and thanked them, Kurt being the first to exit the stage. Dave stuffed his drumsticks in his pocket and followed him, like a puppy. Kurt walked past people, hurrying to get outside, finding an exit door and pushing it open. Dave followed, hearing Kurt take a sharp inhale as they reached the night air. He took a couple of deep breaths, running a hand through his hair, exhaling, “Fuck,”

“Kurt that was amazing! We sounded so good! And you… well I mean, you’re always good, but tonight--” 

“Don’t be a kiss-ass, okay? It’s not cute.” he snapped, catching Dave completely off guard. 

“Wha? I… Kurt I mean it.” he was unable to hide the hurt in his eyes. 

“I don’t want you kissing my ass just because I showed some interest in you, okay? That's not why I did it.” He sighed, reaching into his pocket for a cigarette, offering one to Dave before lighting his, inhaling hard and breathing out a mouthful of smoke, “This is a mistake.” 

“W-what do you mean?” He hated the quiver in his voice. He hated how he couldn’t hide his emotions. 

“This,” Kurt motioned between the two of them. “I.. I shouldn’t have done that, it was a mistake” He met Dave’s doe eyes, filled with sadness, he felt like such an asshole, “I didn’t mean to get your hopes up.” 

Dave felt the world falling down around him, feeling crushed, “So… you don’t like me? It was all just… bullshit?”

“No.” Kurt sighed, exhaling clouds, “No, you’re misunderstanding me. I… I do like you. A lot. That’s the problem.” His face was genuine. 

“What… I? I’m sorry, I’m so confused.” 

“I kind of… have a girlfriend.”

Dave felt like a rug got pulled out from under him and he felt like just toppling over himself, knees buckling, he wobbled backward softly into the door, putting an arm up to steady himself. What could he say? What would solve anything? He felt the way he felt and it was all Kurt’s fault and to top it off he was being an unfaithful asshole to his girl back home. Dave didn’t want any part of it, but he still wanted Kurt. He felt like he was torn in half. 

He opened the door to just run away from it and pretend it wasn’t happening but a surprisingly strong hand gripped his wrist, flipping him around.

“I’m sorry Dave.” He looked up at him, gazing at him. 

Dave dropped the cigarette, watching the embers burn against the dark concrete. He felt sick and shaky all of a sudden. “Why?” He couldn’t pick a question he wanted to ask the most, there were just so many, “Why wouldn’t you… say something… or… at least not lead me on as much as you did, like.. I don’t..?”

“I know, I know, I’m a fucking asshole. I don’t know what my problem is, but I know I shouldn’t have involved you in my bullshit. I’m so sorry, Dave. I.. We just… we can’t.”

Dave felt his eyes well up at the corners. “The issue is.. It’s too late, Kurt. It’s too late for me to just pretend I don’t feel something for you. I can’t just cut this off.” 

“I… I…”

“You fucked up.” He grabbed Kurt by the shoulders, flipping him around and pressing his back against the door. He glared at him, anger and jealousy pulsing through his veins at the thought of Kurt with another, a girl nonetheless. Kurt had a look of scared excitement on his face, thinking Dave might hit him. He would have deserved it. “But… here I am, trying to hate you and I just… can’t.” 

Kurt squirmed softly under his grasp, unable to hide the fact that it was turning him on being manhandled. Dave could see it too. He tightened his grip to a bruising embrace, digging his fingers into his flesh with a vengeance, leaning down to skim his nose up the warm skin of his throat before sinking his teeth in. Kurt let out a throaty moan, dropping his cigarette, forgetting it existed. Dave tasted him, growling, “You’re a bad, bad man.” 

He gripped a handful of Kurt’s hair, yanking his head into an angle that would be easier for kissing before leaning down to take it. The singer made a noise but kissed back enthusiastically, pressing his body against Dave, groaning as Dave flinched at the feeling of his hardness pressing against him. Dave pulled away with a soft smooch, planting soft, loving kisses on his lips, opening his eyes slowly, meeting Kurt’s sneaky, squinty eyes. 

He pulled back, putting his hands on either side of Kurt on the door, caging him in. He glanced down at the front of his jeans, clearly impressed with what he saw. Kurt studied his face, smirking, 

“Scared?”

Dave scoffed, “Hardly.” He brushed him off, playing hard to get now. “Plus I’m not touching you again until you break up with that girl.” 

Kurt pushed himself up off the door, attempting to fix his hair and tugging at his clothes. “We’ll see.”


	5. I'll go out of my way to prove I still smell her on you

Later that night, at a party hastily thrown together by some roadies at a local pub, Dave ordered a beer and tried to sneak away from Kurt and Krist, hoping to find some solace in being alone and thinking through all the bullshit going on in his head. Things weren’t supposed to get this complicated, it was a job to begin with. 

He gripped the neck of the cold beer, bringing it to his lips as he snuck quietly away while the roadies congratulated Kurt and Krist on a great show. He found a booth in a dark corner of the bar and sank into the least lit area of it, feeling the worn plastic cushions wheeze beneath him. He tried to drown out the noise, counting to himself was his preferred method of calming himself down since everything in his brain worked rhythmically. He’d done that since he was a small child, his mother had taught him to count down when he felt angry, sad or confused before responding and making a mess of things. 

Fucking Kurt. Something about him was just completely irresistible. He couldn’t quite place it but any time he was near him he just wanted to hear his life story, learn everything he could about him. He was just one of those people that came off as so genuine, he never tried to hide how he felt about anything. If he was uncomfortable, you’d know it. He wasn’t afraid of not pleasing people, it seemed. Dave felt attracted to his confidence, his persona he’d created for himself. 

But also, there was a dark side. He didn’t quite know how dark but he could sense it. And the whole girlfriend thing was really not sitting well with him. If he could be unfaithful to her, he would be unfaithful to Dave. He had to be smart about this. He couldn’t get too close to him or let him into his heart. He couldn’t trust him. Not fully. 

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself, taking a long pull off his beer, wincing softly as the bubbles passed down his throat. He looked around himself, he was still alone. Good. Kurt and Krist were at the bar taking shots with the roadies, nobody had seemed to notice he was gone. He tried not to let it hurt his feelings, he was still new. He drank more of his beer, lost in thoughts about Kurt, what to do about the situation. He tried to make his face look indifferent, knowing his expressions would give him away. 

“Dave!” Krist called out to him from halfway across the bar, spotting him and pointing drunkenly and suddenly everyone in the entire bar was looking at him. “Dave, get your ass over here and take a shot!” 

“Jesus christ Krist,” he muttered to himself before putting on a smile and walking over to join them. As he approached, people began pushing him toward the bar, Krist grabbed him by the shirt and put an over-filled shot glass in his hand. “Thanks dude,” He amended, tossing the shot back with ease. He’d done quite a bit of drinking in high school.

He let out a breath after he gulped the shot back, putting the glass down on the bar in front of him, wincing slightly. And then he spotted him. Bent over himself slightly, half-sitting on a barstool, half-standing. All Dave could see was the top of his messy blonde head. He wondered if he ever combed his hair, he definitely washed it because it didn’t look or smell nasty, but he just never ran a comb through it. 

Dave realized he was staring and looked away. Like an alarm, his nicotine addiction poked at his mind, alerting him he needed a cigarette right now. He reached into his pocket, Krist watched his movement, leaning down over him and slurring, “Not just yet, take another shot!”

He set a heavy hand on Dave’s shoulder, almost locking him in place, babbling the whole time, Dave honestly couldn’t keep up with what he was saying, just taking the shot so he could leave. He threw it back, wincing harder and smacking his lips together. 

“Shit, what is that?”

“Good, huh?” Krist took a swig off his beer, offering one to Dave. 

“Still working on one,” He held up his half empty beer with a smirk. 

Krist shrugged, making a face then bursting out into a fit of giggles. He threw himself at Kurt, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him completely up off the barstool. “Kurt, don’t go catatonic on me, man!” His voice lilted into a silly high pitched mewl toward the end of his sentence. 

Kurt shook his head to move hair out of his eyes and replied in the same high-pitched, puberty-esque voice, “I’m awake, dammit, I’m awake ma-aaan!” His cheeks were rosy and he wore a rare full faced smile, his dimples making deep indents in his cheeks as he laughed. Krist set him down on the floor, still hugging him. 

Dave didn’t want to feel jealous of their friendship but it was hard not to, being the odd man out. They shared so many stories together, memories, inside jokes. It was hard not to retreat and feel like a fly on the wall when they connected so deeply. 

Kurt turned, looking up at Krist with a grin on his lips, clearly feeling whatever he’d drank. “Shit, dude,” he chuckled, reaching an arm out at the bar for support. He raised his head, eyes falling on Dave. His smile deepened as he walked toward him, “Hey.”

“Hey,” he returned, feeling his cheeks burn, blaming it on the alcohol. He fidgeted, tapping his foot and patting his side, “I.. I need a cigarette.”

“Me too.” Kurt grabbed Dave’s wrist, leading them out toward the exit. 

God dammit, Dave thought to himself, staring at the back of Kurt’s head, feeling his heart begin to race as they approached a large door. Kurt successfully lead them outside to some dumpsters and an alley. He walked further down the alley away from the trash, leaning up against a cold, wet brick wall. Dave stopped a few feet away from him, leaning against the same wall but still trying to keep a distance, narrowly avoiding a trash puddle.

He reached into his pocket for his cigarettes and lighter but Kurt already held a lighter in his hand and a cigarette hung from his lips. “How’d you do that?” Dave was legitimately impressed. 

Kurt grinned, “I keep one tucked behind my ear most the time.” 

“Oh,” The brunette took his out of the box he held in his hands, popping it in his mouth and putting it away. Kurt flicked the lighter to life, Dean leaned over the flame, puffing and muttering “Thanks,” He moved back to his spot, trying to maintain his distance. 

They each stood there smoking in silence for a few moments before Kurt cleared his throat and decided to speak. “When I said that I ‘kind of’ have a girlfriend I used the phrase deliberately,” He took a long drag on his cigarette, “We’re not exactly exclusive, we’ve just been friends for a couple months, writing letters mainly. One time I went to a party in Olympia, not expecting to see her there and I totally saw her leave a bedroom with some dude. They’d clearly fucked, I was drunk at that point and it was still so obvious. I haven’t confronted her about it yet... but I don’t really know if I even have the right to feel bad about it since we’re not actually an ‘item’.”

Dave was staring with wide, honey brown eyes, absorbing every word and the emotion he felt in Kurt’s voice behind it. He’d clearly been hurt by it. He tested out his voice, clearing his throat softly, “I think you should feel however you want to feel about it, regardless of whether or not you were ‘official’, it still hurts the same, right?” Kurt nodded, “Then I think you should talk to her about it, like don’t accuse her of anything but maybe just ask her if she has slept with anyone else, see what she says?” Dave shrugged, running a hand through his long hair, “I’ve never been too good with girls, really.”

Kurt held the cigarette between two long fingers attached to a bony hand covered in a black fingerless glove that lead to a flannel, covered in a jacket, covered in another thicker jacket. Dave’s eyes fell on his profile, watching as his eyebrows furrowed over his deep blue eyes as he considered Dave’s words. Dave watched his Adam’s apple move as he started to speak, “Maybe I will, in time… Right now I’m not so worried about her.” Dave’s heart stopped as Kurt’s dagger-like eyes pierced right into his.

The drummer instinctively started inching toward him, catching himself doing it and jerking backward, making an awkward noise as he did. “Kurt, I… We, maybe we really shouldn’t be doing this.” 

Kurt let a grin slip out onto his features, Dave’s heart started skipping around in his stomach, taken aback by how attractive he was, especially when he looked at him like that. Kurt reached out, taking Dave’s hand and reaching for his chin with the other hand. “Dave, do you wanna know why I like you?”

“I- Y-yeah,” His eyes fluttered. 

Kurt stroked his chin, gazing at his chest and shoulders. “You’re everything I’m not. You’re sweet, ambitious, hard-working… trustworthy,” he twirled a lock of brunette hair around his finger, “I want to know you better.” he started leaning closer to Dave, snaking his hand around the back of his neck. 

He started breathing harder, feeling light-headed, unable to fight it or push Kurt away anymore. Kurt pulled him closer, eyes darting between Dave’s eyes and his lips, inching closer and closer slowly. Dave felt Kurt’s breath catch against his lip before he latched onto his bottom lip, both of them still a little stunned by the feeling of it. 

Dave opened his mouth a little more, slowly, tilting his head and tasting Kurt’s lip with his tongue. The blonde shuddered, Dave took the opportunity and shoved him up against the wall, pressing his weight against him as they kissed. Kurt reached up to dig his fingers into Dave’s hair, deepening the kiss, making both of them struggle for air against the other’s lips.

A door slammed open, “I fucking knew it!” A very drunk Krist stumbled out into the alley, catching them right in the act. “Why didn’t you guys just tell me? I fucking knew something was going on, dammit!” Kurt and Dave broke apart from each other in stunned silence, staring at Krist with red faces. A solid thirty seconds passed before Kurt finally did something.

“I’m gonna kill you Krist,” He threw a punch at his chest, landing it and actually knocking him back a few steps. Dave reacted by wrapping his arms around Kurt and tugging him backward, trying to prevent a fight. Krist just laughed it off, unaffected by the punch. 

“You’re a fucking dick, Kurt.” He poured his beer out at Kurt’s feet then threw the empty bottle at the wall, all of them flinching as a shatter sounded around them. “If you would have just told me I wouldn’t have given a shit. I wonder what Courtney’s gonna say.”

“You fucking wouldn’t!” Kurt tried to lunge at Krist, still being restrained by Dave.

Krist broke into a fit of laughter, “Nah, I wouldn’t. That’s your mess to deal with. Right now, I’m just gonna worry about my drunk ass. You two have fun.” He spun around and walked back inside. Dave released his hold on Kurt, looking at him with wary eyes, feeling all sorts of embarrassed. 

“Don’t worry about him, he’s just a motherfucker.” Kurt kicked at an empty beer can.

“Yeah.” Dave stared at the ground, anxiety filling him up.

“Hey,” Kurt touched his chin, “Don’t worry about Krist. He won’t do anything, I promise.” 

“Okay.” He tried to let that reassure him. It didn’t. 

“Dave.” He stepped closer, putting his hands on Dave’s chest, “Look at me.” Dave met his eyes, feeling warmth radiating out of Kurt. “It’s gonna be fine, I promise, he won’t say anything to anyone, he’s just being a douche. You don’t need to worry about him. We’ll just… need to be more sneaky next time so no one else catches us.” 

“Next time?” Dave felt giddy and terrified at the thought of it.

“Yeah, next time.” Kurt leaned in to steal a kiss, putting so much love and care into it that it made Dave’s head spin. Though he was shorter, he had a lot of strength in him and he pushed Dave around easily, wrapping his arms around his waist as they kissed. He pulled back slowly, pressing a small kiss to his lips, whispering, “To be continued.”


	6. Don't tell me what I want to hear

Dave woke the next morning with an aching head. After the alley incident the rest of the night became a blur. He knows they left the bar and he thinks they hit another bar, either way they ended up crashed in the van, Dave sleeping with his head stuck between two roadies. He sat up, pulling his hair up in a messy bun. 

As he rubbed his eyes, blinking from the sunlight seeping in through the cracks in the curtains of the windows in the back of the van, he started to notice more around him, like Krist sitting up in the corner, holding his head. 

“I am so hungover, dude.” He rubbed his temples, eyes shut, face twisted in pain. 

“Yeah you drank a lot last night, man.” Dave was wondering when or if he would bring up what he saw last night. He looked around them, Alex and Russell were passed out while Kurt and the other roadie Daniel were nowhere to be seen. 

“Not enough.” Krist raised his head to meet Dave’s eyes. Their eyes locked as the panicked drummer tried, and failed, to look away. “I remember what I saw last night, and Dave honestly… I just gotta tell you that you’re getting in way over your head, dude. Kurt is just a really complicated guy.” 

Dave opened his mouth, finding his gut instinct was to defend Kurt, but he reeled it back. He swallowed the bile coming up his throat, considering how he should react. He couldn’t really explain why he wanted Kurt so bad but he was already in too deep to just turn back now. He did want to understand exactly what Krist meant by that because it concerned him. 

Krist watched the gears turning in Dave’s head, he stroked his goatee in thought. He looked at the two sleeping guys, keeping his voice barely above a whisper, “What I mean by that is… all is not as it seems with Kurt. If that makes any sense? As you can probably tell he’s very mysterious, I’m just scared he might hurt you is all.” 

“Thank you, Krist, I appreciate that.” He had a stern frown on his face, picking at the fabric of his shirt. “It just… sucks... how much I like him. I know we don’t belong together and maybe I am just a passing fling for him, but… somehow I’m just grateful that I’m in his world at all.” 

Krist smiled, then frowned, looking at Dave with stern eyes, “That is so fucking sappy, Dave, you just gave me diabetes.” They laughed together, stirring the other two dudes awake softly. The back doors of the van opened and Daniel climbed in, followed by Kurt, who looked between the two of them with wide eyes as he found a spot on the floor to sit cross legged.

“Hey guys,” Daniel greeted cheerfully. 

“Hey” everyone said in semi-unison. Krist crawled up to the front and sat himself down in the driver’s seat, announcing, 

“We’re a-movin’!” Some of the roadies scattered, moving up to the actual seats in the van, one crawled into the passenger seat by Krist, leaving Kurt and Dave alone behind a wall of hanging beads. The van really was an old hippie bus turned into a rock wagon. Dave felt the hard wall of the car behind him and pillows and blankets beneath him, feeling achy and dehydrated. 

Kurt crawled over to him, sitting at his side, poking his hand as he invaded his space. Dave looked up, meeting his deep blue eyes and sighing. Kurt darted his gaze away, then back, huffing to himself, “Why does everyone do that?”

“Do what?” Dave raised an eyebrow. 

Kurt looked up, eyes melting into Dave’s, watching as his face became lost, eyes locked onto his and a million miles away. “That. Right there.” He broke the gaze, watching Dave blink free from his trance. 

“What do you expect? Your eyes are like magnets, I’ve never seen anything so blue.” 

“I wish I could rip them out.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not?” Kurt made a face, looking up at Dave’s warm brown eyes.

“There’s so few eyes as gorgeous as yours, why would you take that away from me? Or the world?” 

“Did Krist talk to you?” Dave got whiplash from how quick he changed the subject. 

“Yeah, he… he did.” 

“And?” Kurt looked anxious.

Dave shrugged and rolled his eyes, “He just said to be careful, yadda yadda, you’re dangerous, mysterious, bad, bad man.” His lips curled up in a grin, “Bewaaare.”

“He’s right, y’know.” Kurt tilted his head off to the side, gazing at Dave, eyes drifting from his face to walk around his chest. “This won’t end well.” 

“I know it won’t.” Their eyes met. Kurt looked deep in Dave’s eyes, finding shards of amber resting among the lovely shades of brown cascading out from his pupils. Dave stared back, getting lost in Kurt’s dreamy blue eyes, rings of icy blue fading out into sky and ocean blue, sparkling like sapphires. “I know we don’t belong together, Kurt, I know I’ll probably get hurt, but please, just let me make those mistakes.” 

Kurt smiled as Dave inched closer, he reached up to grab the collar of his shirt and tug him, “As long as you know what you’re in for.” 

“I do.” he closed the space between them, catching Kurt’s grinning lips in his and kissing him slow. They were both sitting on their sides, leaning more and more into each other, Dave wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist and let himself fall backward, pulling the smaller man on top of him. 

“Dave,” Kurt broke the kiss with a gasp, one hand on Dave’s chest and the other tangled in his hair, looking down at him with electricity in his eyes. 

“Mmm?” He played with Kurt’s bottom lip, poking it and pulling it down. 

“Don’t get me all riled up in here, where we can’t do anything.” He pressed a needy kiss to Dave’s lips, murmuring against them, “I want you so bad.” 

“I want you too.” He held Kurt against him tight, grabbing his ass with one hand and keeping him locked in place with the other. He felt himself start to get hard and pulled away, pushing both of them to sit up and apart. 

“Are you scared?” Kurt’s eyes were hazy with lust, turning them a murky ocean blue. But his will is good. Dave chuckled to himself. 

“Of what?” he asked, yawning softly. 

Kurt gave him a look, like it was so obvious, “Having sex? With me?”

Dave just smiled, cheeks turning pink as he thought of it. “I’m a little scared, yeah, but that’s the fun, right?” 

“So… so you’re on board with that?” Kurt couldn’t believe it. His low self confidence and distorted body image made him believe he really was ugly, unattractive and in no way desirable to anybody. But people continually proved him wrong.

“Y-yeah, I mean, if the offer’s on the table I’m not gonna say no.” 

A hand broke through the beads, followed by a body, “Hey dudes,” Russell entered with a bag of weed in his other hand, “Wanna toke?” 

“Of course.” Kurt said, breaking his gaze with Dave, looking up at the weed and putting on a smile. 

“Sweet, here let me grab my grinder.” Krist hit a bump in the road as Russell moved back toward the front, making him holler and the other guys hooted and made noise about it too. Russell re-appeared, “Krist says we’re close to the next town.” 

“Awesome,” Dave gulped, still slightly nervous to even be on stage with them. Kurt clapped a hand on his shoulder, grinning, 

“It’s gonna be a good time.”


	7. Afraid of never knowing fear

“Hurry up!” A fifteen year old Kurt whisper-yelled at his friend Jesse, who was searching through bottles of whatever he could find in Wendy Cobain’s secret stash. 

“I’m going as fast as I can, shut up!” Jesse snapped back. Once he found a bottle of what looked like vodka he followed Kurt as they scurried out of the house like cockroaches. He led the way up to the roof, their typical drinking spot. 

The boys made it up, hauling the bottle with them. Kurt gestured for Jesse to hand it over. He popped the lid off the bottle and took a long pull at it, breaking from the neck with a hissing snarl, gagging at the flavor. 

“That’s gross, dude.” Jesse made a face as Kurt handed him the bottle. 

“We’re in this together now.” Jesse shrugged and took a gulp, wincing as he did. The two of them sat in silence for a couple of minutes, just staring out at the large, wispy clouds hanging in the night air. It smelled like a storm was coming. 

“Sometimes I think about jumping right off this roof,” Kurt sighed as he took another long pull off the bottle, “But I don’t think it would kill me.” 

“You’d probably just break your legs, then you’d be pissed off, lying in bed all day with a cast.” 

“Yeah,” The boy ran his long fingers through his soft hay-colored hair, glaring up at the stars. He stood, feeling the alcohol hit him all at once like a hammer blow to his head. “Holy shit,” he stumbled, almost falling right off the shingled, moss-covered roof. 

“Careful!” Jesse reached up to snatch at Kurt’s flannel, tugging him backward. It was one of his many near-death experiences and it definitely wouldn’t be the last. 

He got a sick thrill out of it, breathing in the adrenaline hard, feeling the exhilaration coat his veins. “So, Kurt…” Jesse’s voice was soft, careful. 

“Yeah?” He was smiling in a drunken stupor, throwing his head back and chugging more. 

“You don’t really…” he cut himself off, restarting, barely above a whisper, “I mean, when you talk about that stuff, like, you don’t actually wanna die do you?” 

Kurt’s expression fell, Jesse pretended he didn’t see it, and before he could say anything Kurt was smiling, laughing even. 

“What?” Jesse didn’t get the johke. 

Kurt shook his head, a smile coating his lips but not touching his eyes, which were large and filled with a deep sadness. He took another swing of vodka, sloshing it around in his mouth before spitting. 

“Not yet. I’m gonna become a famous musician, then kill myself and go out in a blaze of glory.” 

…………..

“Kurt, wake up.” A hand clamped over him, shaking the sleep off of him. He lifted his head from where it had been resting on Dave, looking irritated and confused. The voice that had woken him belonged to Krist, who was hovering with his bass strapped over his shoulder. 

“What’s this now?” Kurt’s voice was stained with sleep, slow and groggy. 

“Our last show on the tour,” Dave murmured softly to him, smiling almost always. Slowly, Dave stood, pulling Kurt up with him. The two touched frequently but it didn’t feel like a romantic touch, more friendly than anything. “After this we go home.” 

Kurt had mixed feelings about that. Going home meant facing his routine, his apartment and his crushing loneliness. It also meant figuring out what to do about the girlfriend situation. It meant facing Courtney. 

Though he still hadn’t done anything more than kiss Dave he felt immense guilt. He knew what he was doing was wrong and he had to be the one to sever it, because Dave wouldn’t. 

The brunette could tell Kurt was lost in his thoughts and pulled him aside, turning the knob of the first door he found, shoving Kurt and himself in. It was a supply closet of some sort. He knew they had a handful of minutes before Nirvana was meant to go on. 

“Kurt what’s wrong?” His eyebrows pulled together in concern. 

“I can’t keep sneaking around like this, I feel like shit.” 

“But we haven’t even done anything.” Dave chuckled a little, but stopped when he saw no humor on Kurt’s face. “Kurt. I think you’re beating yourself up too much over this. You said yourself that you guys weren’t actually together.” 

“I know, but,” Dave cut him off with a kiss, a sweet, reassuring kiss. Kurt couldn’t help but smile a little. “Dave..” 

“Don’t overthink it.” That unyielding smile stayed on his face, “Let’s just keep it between us... and Krist,” he rolled his eyes slightly, “Nobody else needs to know.” 

“Do you mean that?”

“Of course, why would I rat you out?” 

Kurt shrugged, smiling, “I’d just deny it anyway.” 

“That’s the spirit!” Dave’s smile was infectious. “Let me kiss you again?” 

Kurt nodded gently, smiling shyly. “Okay.” Dave touched his chin, letting the touch drift naturally to cup his jaw, pulling him closer and leaning toward his smiling, thin lips. He engulfed him like flames, big lips taking over Kurt’s, but still allowing space for the blonde to kiss him back. As the kiss deepened Kurt began making a soft noise in the back of his throat, which turned Dave on. He pulled back with a smooch, biting his lip, looking Kurt up and down. 

“You have no idea how sexy you are, do you?” Kurt made a face, shaking his head in disbelief. Dave reached at the doorknob, twisting it and releasing them out to the hallway once more. “You’re dangerous.” 

Krist was seen motioning with big, long arms at them, “There you are! Come on, it’s time to go!” 

It was an uneventful concert, everything went as planned, they moved through the set list seamlessly. Later that night, they stayed in a hotel because the next morning they were headed for the airport. Krist and Kurt raided the mini bar, chugging their way through each and every bottle, mixing alcohol and weed, stinking up the hotel room. Dave smoked weed and drank only a few cocktails, watching as the two of them got shit faced with the rest of the crew. 

When they ran out of things to drink, Krist moved the party to the downstairs pub, but Kurt stayed back in the room, saying he was feeling sick. Dave made up an excuse to stay with him. Krist, who was too drunk to care, and tired of their routine, left gladly along with all the other roadies. 

The room was absolutely trashed. Bottles littered the floor, bed sheets were thrown about, a lamp shade was resting atop the TV antenna and the entire room reeked of marijuana. Dave finished the joint he was smoking out on the balcony, ashing and tossing it as he turned to go back into the room. 

When he walked back in Kurt wasn’t on the couch like he had been before and he heard the unmistakable sound of someone emptying their guts. He cringed slightly, walking over to the bathroom and knocking gently, “Kurt, do you need anything?” 

A hoarse voice replied, “Water.” Dave walked to the mini fridge, taking out the completely untouched water bottles. He went to walk back to the bathroom but was stopped by Kurt who stood, swaying in his shoes in the hallway. 

“You look like shit.” 

“I feel like shit.” 

“Here.” He unscrewed the cap and handed him the water bottle. “Drink this.” 

“Thanks,” Kurt chugged the entire bottle in one breath, breaking from it with a soft gasp. He moved to sit on the king bed, crawling up onto a pile of pillows. Dave locked the door, eyes falling on Kurt, who was eyeing him with dark, lustful eyes. 

He moved toward Kurt slowly, carefully, “You feeling any better?” Kurt nodded, motioning Dave toward him on the bed. 

“Much better, come’re” His eyes drooped heavily, he stunk of liquor and weed, he was properly fucked up. Dave wondered if he would remember the night. 

Kurt pulled him close and began kissing him, hard and serious. His lips mashed into Dave’s, groaning drunkenly and nibbling on his bottom lip then sucking on it and grinning. He manhandled Dave into the bed, pushing his weight down on him as he locked jaws with him. 

Dave’s resistance was beginning to fade away as Kurt’s lips traveled down his jugular, playing with his Adam’s apple and gnawing on his collar bone. His hand drifted south, making Dave yelp as his fingers gripped his hardening cock. Dave pushed Kurt off him, who complained: 

“Hey,” 

Dave looked him right in the eyes, reading his intentions. “You’re too drunk right now.” 

“No I’m not, I don’t have whiskey-dick if that’s what you’re concerned about,” he chuckled, gesturing to the tent in his pants. 

Dave took an eyeful, fighting so hard to resist him, sighing sharply, “That’s… wonderful, Kurt. Why do you do this to me?” 

Kurt stood on his knees before Dave, sporting his hard on proudly, retorting, “Why don’t we just fuck?” 

“You’re too drunk.. I don’t want to take advantage of you,” he stroked Kurt’s rosy cheek, gazing at him, “I care too much about you.” 

Kurt tried to seduce him further by kissing his neck and cheeks, “I want you, I know what I want, drunk or not.” His hand drifted, but Dave caught it, knitting his fingers together with Kurt’s. “Come on,” Kurt whined. 

“I want you to remember our first time… and tonight you won’t.” He kissed him softly, keeping a strategic distance between their pelvises. Kurt wormed his way in, closer and closer, kissing with tongue and needy moans. 

Kurt started tugging Dave’s shirt up over his head, slurring, “We have the room all to ourselves, come on,” he groped at Dave’s warm skin, touching it wherever he could. “Nobody can stop us,” 

“Kurt,” His eyes were set like stones, immovable, “I’m not doing this—” 

Kurt continued to kiss him, silencing his words and playing with his long hair, pushing his hardness up against him, rutting. “Le’s just do it, I’ll remember,” 

Dave pushed back, getting frustrated with Kurt’s persistence. “I said no, you are too drunk.” 

“I want it.” 

“I do too, but I’m not gonna do it when you’re in this state, not the first time,” he captured Kurt’s hands, holding him by the wrists, “You can’t consent right now.” 

Kurt pulled away, looking at Dave with wide, calculating eyes. Dave sighed, but smiled. 

“I care about you.” 

“I know you do,” Kurt pursed his lips, casting his eyes down at his feet, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. 

“Hey,” Dave lifted his chin, “I’m not rejecting you, I’m just requesting a rain-check.” 

“I understand, I feel stupid,” he stumbled backward, retreating into the sheets. 

“No, please don’t.” Dave followed him, getting under the sheets with him. He started kissing his neck, hands on Kurt’s hips, “I want you, don’t be silly,” 

Kurt tried to scoot away, but was caught in Dave’s arms, “Lemme go!” He slurred like a drunken toddler throwing a tantrum, trying to pound his fists against Dave’s chest. 

Dave caught his hands easily, kissing his warm neck, growling, “I would love to fuck you,” Kurt tugged Dave’s hand down, placing it over his dick. 

“Touch me.” He begged in a low voice. 

“Kuuurt,” He tried to fight it but began palming Kurt, finally feeling the size of him, and it made his stomach do flips. “God damn,” he gripped harder, knowing exactly what touches felt good and where, an advantage of being with someone who had the same anatomy. 

Kurt became feverish, breathing hard, begging Dave to undo his jeans. “Please, please, feels so good,” Dave was consumed with curiosity and lust and against all his good intentions began unbuttoning Kurt’s jeans. He unzipped him and twitched at the sight of his big hard cock straining up against the cotton of his underwear. 

“Jesus,” Dave’s eyes grew wide at the sight, guessing he was at least eight inches long and he felt nice and thick in his hand. “You’re lucky, dude,” 

“I haven’t had any complaints,” Kurt chuckled flirtatiously, head falling back into the pillows with a small shudder as Dave reached into his boxers, finally making that skin to skin contact he’d wanted so desperately. 

Kurt’s skin felt velvety in his hand, he gripped him hard, moving his fingers up and down, feeling veins straining, blood pumping. Dave’s eyes locked on the head, seeing precome pooling there, thumbing it around teasingly. Kurt bit his lip, mewling, “Fuuuck,” 

Before he could process it, he was in Dave’s mouth, gripping his dark hair and gasping against the feel of his soft, warm mouth, “Oh my god, Daaave!” He rutted up into it instinctively, “Uhhnn, Dave, oh my god,” 

He hadn’t had his cock sucked this good in a while, maybe ever. Girls usually couldn’t take the entire thing, but Dave was ready and willing to bruise the back of his throat, bobbing his head faster and faster. “Daave, oh, careful, I might—“ it was too late. 

Dave pulled back at the last second, pumping Kurt with his hand, letting him come all over his face. Kurt gasped in ecstasy, body shaking as he came. Dave made sure to finish him off before grabbing tissues off the night stand and cleaning off his face. 

“I c-can’t believe you did that,” The blonde struggled for air, still clothed from the waist up, looking at Dave with grateful, amazed eyes. “Let me return the favor,” 

Dave shrugged it off, “That was a gift for you, plus you’re still really drunk, you should rest.” He pushed Kurt down into the bed and handed him some tissue, “I’m gonna grab you some more water.” 

Kurt wiped himself up, chest still heaving, watching Dave’s ass as he walked away. He tucked his softening dick back into his underwear, pulling them up. Kurt took the water bottle as he returned. As he finished it he threw it on the floor with the rest of the garbage everywhere. 

Dave crawled up into bed beside him, lying with him, eyes locking. “That was great.” 

“Good, now sober up.” 

They lied there in silence for a good ten minutes before Kurt asked, “Dave?” 

“Yes, Kurt?”

“Will you still see me after this tour is over? You’re not just gonna drop me, right?” His eyes were soft and sensitive. 

“Who do you think I am?” 

“I’m just… I’m sorry, I’m paranoid.” He scooted closer, asking barely above a whisper, “Will you hold me?” 

And in that moment, Dave was certain that he’d fallen in love.


	8. Experience anything you need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your patience lovelies <3

After the tour was over, the three of them went their separate ways, with a rehearsal date scheduled a week out, giving them all some time to relax and recuperate. Dave watched as Kurt and Krist took the same shuttle back to Olympia while Dave boarded a shuttle headed for his hotel in Seattle. He felt completely drained, staring out the window at the drizzling grey landscape, yawning deeply. He arrived at his hotel, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder, trudging up through the ornate doors, headed straight for the elevator, eager to collapse on his bed. 

In a daze, he found the room and swiped the door key, twisting the knob and feeling relief wash over him as he entered the room, throwing his bag and reaching into his pockets before taking his jacket off. His fingers brushed against what felt like a candy wrapper, which was weird because he didn’t remember putting anything there. He pulled it out, eyebrows scrunching together in confusion as he unraveled the crumpled up paper, seeing pen ink on the inside of it. 

He held up the gum wrapper, which had chicken scratch handwriting that read:  
“Kurt 248-7095, call me tonight at 9:00” 

He felt the muscles in his face pull upward in a warm smile, his heart sank into his stomach that rapidly filled with butterflies, wriggling around inside him, making him feel giddy. He checked the clock resting atop his bedside table, it read 7:58, which was fine because that gave him time to order room service, take a shower and chill. 

He slung his jacket off his shoulders and grabbed the phone, ordering his usual grilled cheese and chicken strips, then heading off to the shower. He moved speedy and shaky, playing a million scenarios in his head of how Kurt snuck that wrapper into his jacket and just how cute the entire gesture was. He’d been totally uncertain of whether or not Kurt was going to see him or talk to him anymore after what had happened that night in the hotel room. They hadn’t spoken since then, so naturally Dave was giving himself anxiety over the entire thing. 

He felt his entire being shake with happiness, rigorously scrubbing conditioner into his long locks as he imagined what Kurt wanted to talk about. He piled all his hair atop his head, closing his eyes, still seeing Kurt’s red, pleasure filled face, his perfect cock burned behind his eyelids. He shivered, biting his lip and trying to get ahold of himself, standing under the water and rinsing himself off. 

He stepped out of the shower, scrubbing himself dry then wrapping his hair up in that towel, grabbing another and securing it around his hips. He walked out, watching steam pour out onto the rest of the room, sighing contently. He checked the time again. 8:45. So close. He hoped room service would show up before 9. He settled for TV, sitting himself down on the bed and flipping through the channels, mind totally occupied elsewhere. 

A couple minutes later a knock sounded at his door, he opened it up, still in his towel, to a young girl in the dorky hotel outfit, her face became red as her eyes fell on Dave’s damp chest. She gripped the cart she was walking with, cheeks flushing as she began to ask, “D-Do you want me to bring it in, or?”

“No I can take it from here, it’s fine.” He smiled, being nonchalant as possible, reaching out to pick up the plastic tray with his junk food on it, smiling wide at the girl, “Thank you.” She just did an awkward bow, eyes wide. 

He shut the door and laughed softly to himself, setting his food on the bed, walking over to the bathroom to put some conditioner in his hair, scrunching it and hanging the towels. He decided to stay naked, knowing all his clothes in his bag were filthy and not really seeing a point in getting dressed anyway. He ate half of his grilled cheese before he got too eager and dialed Kurt’s number at 8:55. 

It rang twice before he heard a faint click, followed by Kurt’s low, melodic voice saying: “So you found my note.” He heard Kurt chuckle, but to call it a chuckle is generous, it was more of a hiss of air. 

“I did.” 

“I knew you were a smart cookie.” He could practically hear the smile in Kurt’s voice and it became infectious, even through the phone. Dave felt stupidly happy.

“So what’s up?” He hated how lilted and dreamy his voice had come out. 

He heard Kurt wheeze out a little laugh again, followed by a heavy cough, “Sorry, I’m smoking.” He heard Kurt clear his throat, spit and regain his voice, hoarsely, “I have a proposition for you.” 

“A proposition?” his heart began thumping loud.

“Yeah, now, I… If you would want to… casually just like… uh… I’m kind of having a hard time paying my rent right now, and uh… I…” he cut himself off, grumbling at himself, “This is so pathetic.”

Dave’s head was swimming, he asked incredulously, “Kurt, are you asking me to move in with you?”

He heard Kurt’s voice hitch in panic, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-- I knew it was too much, I--” 

“Kurt, Kurt, shh.” he shushed him, trying to reassure him, “Honestly, I’d love to. I’m pretty lonely here in Seattle.” 

“Really? You really want to?” 

“Y-yeah, I… I mean we can try it out. Yeah.” 

“O-okay.” They both paused nervously. 

“When should I get there?”

“Would tomorrow be okay?” 

Dave got swept up in the moment, suggesting, “Why don’t I just take a cab out there tonight?”

“That’s an hour drive.” Kurt stated matter-of-factly. 

“Yeah, so? I just got off a ten hour flight.” 

Now Kurt sounded nervous, “My place is a disaster.”

“I’m a slob, so no worries.” Dave bit his lip eagerly, “I just want to see you.” 

“I… I’m…”

“Come on Kurt, I’m waiting for an excuse.” Dave teased. 

“W-well, if you really want to. I’m okay with it. I’ll try to tidy up a little bit.”

“Okay, tell me your address.” He reached at the notepad by the phone, grabbing a pen out of the drawer. 

He heard Kurt’s breath catch as he spoke his address over the line as Dave scribbled. “You get all of it?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay.” Dave hung up the phone, too eager to say goodbye. He tore through his clothes, trying to find the least nasty thing, pulling on basketball shorts and a tank top. He grabbed all of his things, hurrying down to the lobby to ask for a taxi number. 

“Fuck,”

Kurt paced his apartment, chanting to himself ‘fuck, fuck’ he didn’t think Dave would hop on board that quickly. He felt himself shake and begin to imagine all the ways it could go wrong, making himself sick with worry. He looked around, unsure of where to start, feeling bile race up his throat, kicking his legs into action as he ran to the bathroom. 

He vomited violently, emptying himself till there was nothing but a painful dry heave left, raking up his throat like coals. He shook, feeling his skinny arms and legs want to give out on him as he rose from the toilet, flushing and reaching for his mouth wash. He brushed his teeth too, heart racing at the thought of Dave living with him. 

After he finished that he began running his fingers through his hair, trying to pull out the tangles, moving the oils throughout his blonde locks, smoothing it down. He looked at himself in the mirror, stressing and primping. He began buzzing around the apartment, kicking trash around with his feet, picking up old soda cans and cigarette butts, throwing dishes in the sink, tossing clothes at his bedroom door. He continued running around, totally losing track of time until a gentle, perfectly paced knock sounded at his door. 

He felt a cold sweat touch his forehead, moving toward the door and reaching out for the knob in slow motion. He pulled it open, unable to hide the nervousness on his face as he greeted Dave. His eyes met Dave’s immediately and it felt like no time had passed between them. The days of silence became a distant memory.

They stood there, staring at each other with tangible tension in the air. Dave decided to take the plunge and stepped forward, craning his neck down to capture Kurt’s lip, reaching down at his hips to tug him closer as he kissed him harder. Kurt pulled back with a little gasp and electric blue eyes.

“Hey,” Dave smiled, looking tired but cute in a dingy tank top and shorts, hair hanging around his shoulders in damp waves.

Kurt stepped backward from the door, gesturing him to come in, “Hey.”


	9. I'll keep fighting jealousy

“I like your place.”

Kurt gave him a side-eyed look, scoffing, “Shut up.” He moved to sit on his beat up couch, reaching at his little stoner box, pulling out a baggie of weed and a pipe. Dave set his duffel bag down and joined him on the couch. 

“No, I do. It’s so… you.” He smiled, looking around, seeing the writings on the walls, the unfinished artwork, scattered pet food, clothes, notebooks. 

“Messy, you mean.” Kurt tapped his glass pipe on a dingy coffee table, then lifted it to his lips to blow the excess resin out. 

“Well…” Dave chuckled, trying to change the subject. “You really want me to live with you?” He ran a nervous hand through his long fading bleached locks. He considered dying it back to its original dark brown. Kurt continued going through the procedure of loading a bowl, grinding green buds in his little cheap looking grinder. 

He waited for a response from the aloof blonde but when none came he just accepted the silence as a “yes” that was so obvious Kurt felt he didn’t need to re-iterate it. Sure, that’s what it was. Dave’s eyes fell to the stained carpet, mind racing until he received a gentle nudge on the shoulder.

Kurt held the loaded bowl outstretched to him, skinny fingers wrapped around the shaft of the pipe. Dave reached and took a lighter from him too, feeling his cheeks burn, hoping Kurt didn’t notice. He moved the pipe to his mouth and lit the corner of the bowl, catching a little bit of the weed on fire, sucking in.

He held the smoke in for a moment before he lost it, choking out a ragged cough, handing the bowl back to Kurt with a wheeze, laughing at himself a little. Kurt set the bowl down, getting up and walking toward his stereo, picking up two CDs with his back turned. 

“L7 or The Breeders?” 

“L7.” Dave responded almost immediately.

“Hmm, okay.” Kurt said without emotion, making his voice totally unreadable. He opened the CD case, placing it down and pressing play on the system. As the opening guitar riff sounded Kurt wandered off to the kitchen, calling out, “You thirsty?”

“Yeah, sure,” Dave called back, bopping his head along to the music. Kurt returned with a box of wine and two mugs, shrugging, 

“I don’t have any wine glasses, but I need to drink this sangria.” A sheepish smile spread over his lips, pulling them up enough to sneak a peek at his perfectly straight white teeth, dimples making a brief appearance. A lock of blonde hair fell over his face as he set the box down on the coffee table, along with the mugs. He began pouring one then handed it to Dave. Their fingers brushed across each other as he handed it over.

“Sorry,” Kurt bit his lip to hide a smile, filling his mug then relaxing back into the cushions, reaching for the bowl and taking a slow, long hit. He passed it to Dave, they continued this little routine, sipping at their wine and taking turns stealing glances at each other. 

“What do you think of this album?”

“It’s nice dude, I dig it.” Dave finished off his mug of wine, reaching at the box for some more. The bowl was ash, but he definitely felt stoned, feeling his mouth get dry as he filled his glass. 

Kurt sipped his wine, making a face as he muttered, “Not too many people know about L7, they’re great though. I saw them open for somebody once, I can’t remember who. They kicked ass.” He looked over at Dave, cheeks flushed red.

Dave chuckled, reaching out to poke at his cheek, feeling stubble there like sandpaper against his calloused finger, teasing, “You blushing, Kurt?”

“It’s the alcohol.” He defended quickly, “I have Irish blood, it makes me flush like that.”

Dave scooted closer, grinning wide and mischievous, “Uh-huh, likely story.”

“It’s true.” Kurt pouted, eyebrows pulling down over his eyes. He brought the mug to his lips, sipping delicately, eyes locked on Dave as he inched closer. The drummer set his hand on Kurt’s thigh, leaning closer and closer, setting his mug down and reaching for Kurt’s as he closed him into the corner of the couch.

Kurt giggled, letting him take it and push him back, eyes wide and electric, a little hazy and pink from being stoned and tipsy. He let the drummer push him into the corner cushions, “You feeling good?” Dave hovered over Kurt with hands on either side of his thin middle, inches away. 

“Yeah,” the ghost of a smile passed over the blonde’s features as he nodded up at him, light dancing in his blue eyes. Music filled the air around them, hard melodies crashing together with strange, echo-ey singing. Dave’s hair slipped from his shoulder and tickled Kurt’s nose, making him chuckle and squirm. “I actually do feel really…” his eyes danced up and down Dave’s face, “really good.” 

Dave felt his blood begin to boil, Kurt’s obvious flirting making him feel suffocated all of a sudden. “G-good.” 

Kurt picked up on it, grinning and grabbing the front of his tank top, yanking him forward until his lips were centimeters away, whispering against his thick bottom lip, “Do I make you nervous, Dave?”

“Yes,” it fell out of him before he could stop it and to silence his embarrassment he hurriedly leaped at Kurt’s lips, making contact, feeling his body burst into flames as he did. He kissed him hard and was happy to feel Kurt return the force, pushing up against him as Dave pushed him down. 

Their breathing became heavy as they fought for dominance, Kurt pushing and finally flipping Dave over on his back, diving into his neck, kissing, sucking. Dave let out a shaky, strangled breath, one hand reaching up the back of the couch while the other clutched the cushion beneath him. 

“Ku-urt,” He felt the singer suck on his neck and rapidly began to lose any sense of control he might have had, wrapping his arms around Kurt tight. He moaned as he felt warm hardness pressing against his groin, rutting, thrusting. His heart began to pound as he realized there were no distractions or excuses anymore, they were finally going to do it, and it made his stomach twist.

Kurt, seeming to read his mind, pulled back just far enough to catch his gaze as he continued rutting like a horny teenager down into his lap. He caught his breath, huffing, “Bedroom?” He moved up off the couch, grabbing Dave’s hands and pulling him down the hallway with him. 

They kissed hard, pulling clothes off however they could, knocking into things, hips hitting the walls, limbs clamoring at each other in all directions. Kurt managed to push Dave down onto his bed, kicking the door shut behind him, not bothering to turn the light off, wanting to see all his drummer had to offer. The excitement burned in his belly and he knew he would throw up, but if he could just keep it back for now… 

He pulled back from the kisses, their lips making obscene, wet noises. He pushed Dave further to the middle of the bed and pulled the sheets up, encouraging him to get under there with him as he climbed in. He was surprised when a pair of strong arms wrapped around his middle and shifted them, pulling him up on top, the blanket around his shoulders, creating a canopy over the goofy-happy looking young man lying beneath him. Kurt felt his cheeks burn, 

“Dave… A-are you sure ab--”

The drummer silenced him with a kiss as he leaned up into him, grabbing Kurt’s wrists and pulling him down into the bed at his side, beginning to unbutton his flannel. Kurt’s heart began racing, pulling back from the kiss with a panicked expression. Dave kissed his cheek, then jaw, then neck, muttering sweet nothings into his skin as he continued working open the buttons of his flannel. He got it off his shoulders, working at the undershirt, breaking the kiss as he pulled it over the blonde’s head.

He saw him open his mouth to protest, shivering as his pale skin touched the air. Dave put a finger over his lips, staring into his endless blue eyes, tugging his thin body closer. He ran a hand through his messy but surprisingly soft blonde hair, planting a kiss on the skin behind his ear, whispering, “I want you. Do you want me?”

He looked perplexed and torn, filled with many emotions, but he couldn’t lie and nodded, confessing breathlessly, in the space just between the two of them, “Yes.” 

“Okay, then kiss me and calm down, okay?” He planted a soft kiss against the singer’s lips, cooing, “It’s just you and me. Nobody else.” 

Kurt began nodding, soft and sure, kissing him back slowly, fingers working knots into his thick hair, pressing his pelvis up against his, feeling the zippers of their jeans and many layers rub in an irritating way. Dave reached down, working at Kurt’s button and zipper, so Kurt returned the favor and they chuckled at each other a little, both having no experience with another man, finding the nitty gritty details quite interesting.

“This is new.” Kurt smiled, blushing hard and shamelessly. 

“It is.” They shucked each other’s pants off, both pulling their own underwear off as Kurt dove shyly beneath the sheets after becoming fully nude. Dave followed him, reaching with hands at first, not wanting to spook him. They lied on their sides, facing each other but still far apart, Dave held a gentle hand on Kurt’s jutting hip, biting his own lip and smiling, “May I?”

Kurt nodded, his entire face red, slowly scooting closer. Dave reached to kiss him, hovering over him slightly, propping himself up on his elbow as Kurt moved closer and closer to him. Their tongues touched, deepening the kiss, Dave drifted fingers down his middle, dipping down to tease at his belly button, making Kurt twitch and giggle ever so slightly. Kurt surprised him as he just full-on grabbed his cock, gripping it, moving up and down from tip to base, taking inventory and looking up at Dave with wickedly glowing eyes, breaking the kiss to huff, “Mmmm,”

There’s only so much a man can take, Dave gasped, positioning himself over Kurt, hovering over his hips and reaching at his hard cock in return, watching his face writhe with pleasure as Kurt pumped him. They tortured each other like that for a while, whining and groaning into the increasingly hot air surrounding them. Kurt looked like a man possessed as he used his reserve of strength, pushing Dave off him and face-down into the bed as he hovered over him suddenly, fingers pressing experimentally at the base of his balls.

“Kurt!” He cried out against the sheets. Nobody had ever touched him there and when he did it it didn’t have the same impact. A shockwave of pleasure rolled through his body and Kurt responded by drifting lower, pressing hard knuckles into the warm skin right above his ass, grinning as the drummer turned his head to cry out, “Kuu-uurt,”

“You want me to finger your tight ass?” He spit on his hand as he said it, overcome with lust, feeling his heart pound with thick, dirty blood as his sick desire for his drummer grew. 

Dave mewled, lost in himself, “Pleeease, please, Kurt,” He tensed as he felt the tip of a thin index finger press against his unwelcoming entrance, he tried to relax, talking himself into it, trying to be pliant. Kurt was responsive to his body, sensing the uncomfortability and going slower, pulling back to rub the head of his cock against Dave’s tightness, gripping his hips and groaning at the sensation. 

Dave felt his hips move with Kurt’s, body begging to be touched, aching for it, loving how he could feel Kurt’s precome against the blunt, warm head of his dick. He was surprised by how good it felt. Kurt pushed a little harder, gradually, softly, pulling back and forth as he tried to slowly push him open, responding as Dave gasped or tightened around him. 

He got almost the entire tip in before Dave started hyperventilating, hissing saying, “It burns, it burns,” Kurt leaned down over him, whispering, voice sweet like honey, 

“Worst part is almost over, keep breathing,” Dave tensed, clutching the pillows and huffing in pain, “Relax, you gotta relax,”

Dave hissed in pain, snapping at him, “You’re not the one taking a cock in your ass, so why don’t you just shut the fuck up!” 

Instead of being angry or offended like a normal person, Kurt just laughed and pressed a kiss into the drummer’s shoulder blade, pushing himself in further, much to Dave’s protest, but finally slid past the tip and exhaled in relief as he thrust himself all the way in, then held it there, grabbing Dave tight. 

“Fuuuck!” Dave struggled against him, aching in pain, burning, stretching, feeling incredibly full and not knowing how to feel about it. Kurt’s arms were like a vice grip around him and he felt a shiver pass through his body as a warm moan echoed into his shoulder.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” He pulled his bony hips back, pulling out, making Dave mewl, then pushing back in, still being gentle as he could, trying not to lose it. “God daaamn, you’re tighter than any pussy I’ve ever had.” 

Dave cried into the pillow beneath him as Kurt tugged on his hair and whispered dirty things in his ear. He began to feel a tingle of pleasure as Kurt began a rhythm the burning started to subside, he could feel Kurt knocking into something that made his limbs go weak. He surrendered, holding his ass up in the air, pulling his face up from the pillows to gasp, “Aaahh, wh-why’d you have to be so bi-ig?” 

Kurt seemed to like that as he threw his hips harder into him, dragging his nails down his back, other hand still holding his hips in place as he picked up the pace, fucking him harder and faster. 

“Kurt!” Dave nearly screamed, feeling his body tense, burning as he got tighter and Kurt’s thrusts just kept coming harder. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” His knuckles turned white as he grabbed the sheets, Kurt’s body straining as he held Dave’s hips in place, chasing his orgasm, closer and closer. He reached down and began to pump at Dave’s hardness, coaxing him to follow. 

He struggled for air, panting, “D-Dave, I’m gonna-- u-uhhhhh,” his warning came too late as he exploded forward, wrapping his arms around Dave’s torso as he filled him up, gasping against his skin as his warm, tight body curled around him. “Fu-uuck, sorry I.. that was…”

Dave blushed at the sensation and moaned as he followed, coming all over Kurt’s hand, feeling Kurt still hard and burning hot inside him, aching as he pulled back out slowly, carefully. Dave felt him leave and gasped, feeling his ass gape a little, shocked from the trauma of it. He felt absolutely wrecked, like his body had been yanked apart like taffy. He felt his backside begin to ache and burn, he knew tomorrow would probably suck, but fuck it was worth it. As they each came down they became aware of each other again, Dave panted, wandering off to the bathroom to clean up. 

Kurt lied in the bed in ecstacy, staring up at the ceiling, in shock that it had finally happened. He had had sex with a man, and not just first base second base shit, full on real sex. It felt like that identity he’d been chasing all his life was finally valid, he could actually call himself a bisexual man now, it felt like a conquest had been achieved, but also he already missed the mystery of it all. He was a complicated contradiction of a man, filled with so many double-meanings and nonsensical behavior and intentions, he didn’t know what he was chasing with Dave or why but he knew it felt good and if anything he was just looking to have a good fucking time.


	10. Until it's fucking gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I felt like it needed a better wrap up. Or maybe I'll write more, I'm really not sure at this point.

Dave woke in layers. First he sensed warmth around him, then realized that long, skinny arms were wrapped around him along with a leg curled up over his hip. Slowly his body gained more and more consciousness and a smile touched his face as he felt Kurt breathe evenly against his bare shoulder, cuddled up to him tight. They were both naked and the combined body heat under the comforter was making Dave sweat, but he couldn’t bring himself to wake him.

He turned softly in his hold, not breaking it but shifting. He turned on his side, facing Kurt, who made a face and pulled on him, tugging him closer into his hold. His heart began pounding, falling harder in love with him when he did the simplest things. He wasn’t even conscious and he made Dave’s heart melt. He rubbed his scruffy chin into his chest before settling there against his warm skin, arms (and leg) wrapped around him tight. Dave reached up slowly to play with his hair.

Kurt made a noise in his throat that sounded like a purr. Dave’s stomach roared at him, he wanted to lie here forever with Kurt but his body wouldn’t allow it. He whispered softly at the top of his head, “Ku-urt,”

He stirred gently, rubbing his nose against Dave’s chest. The brunette smiled and scratched at his scalp, cooing against his forehead as he placed a kiss there, “Good morning, sleepy head.”

Kurt’s eyes fluttered, then closed, he looked up at Dave, then closed his eyes again. “No,”

“No?”

“Not done sleeping.” He hugged Dave’s body to himself tighter.

Dave couldn’t help but giggle a little, “I wish I could lay here forever with you but I gotta eat.”

“Nuh uh,” Kurt whined childishly into him, hugging him tight.

“Ku-urt!” He laughed, fighting to break from his hold. Kurt held him tighter. “Kurt!”

“Fiine.” he whined, letting him go all at once and turning, pulling the blankets up over his head. Dave sat up, yawning and pulling his hair up into a messy bun.

“You hungry? I’ll make you breakfast.”

“What’re you making?”

Dave laughed, standing. “I don’t know, what do you have?”

“I dunno, probably pop tarts and cereal.” He sat up in bed, yawning and stretching, scratching his hair, “Fuck I need to take a shower.”

“Okay, you do that, I’ll make food.” He looked around, “Could I borrow some clothes? Mine were kinda filthy when I got here and now…” he chuckled, looking at the cum stains on his tank top.

“Yeah for sure, I have a robe hanging on the bathroom door if you wanna wear that.” He got up out of bed to grab a pair of plaid pajama pants, slipping them on, not bothering with underwear or a shirt.

“That works.” Dave couldn’t help but eye him as he walked around shirtless in front of him now. He was surprised at the total absence of nervousness, he thought it would feel so weird and uncomfortable at first but everything felt… right. It didn't feel like waking up after a one night stand, they'd held each other all night long after and into the morning. Kurt was still his friend, everything was still okay. He watched him walk out to the bathroom, then come back with the robe in his hand, offering it to him. “Thanks,”

“Mmhm, I’m gonna go shower.”

“Okay,” He watched him leave then slipped the robe on, tying the front shut then walking out into the small hallway that led to the living room, then the kitchen. He took a moment to learn where Kurt kept his silverware, bowls, cups and such. It still hadn’t set in that he would be living here. He turned to a coffee maker, sighing gratefully, making a full pot of coffee. He lost track of time watching the coffee maker drip and jumped as a pair of arms wrapped around his middle.

“Fuck, you scared me!” he laughed breathlessly at himself. Kurt grabbed the front of his robe, turning Dave in his hold. He smiled up at him and untied the robe, “Hey!” Kurt began running his hands up and down his chest.

“Wha?” Kurt’s dimpled smile stunned him into silence. His hair hung in damp waves around his face, looking light brown, no sign of blonde in his wet locks. His long fingers continued to trace Dave’s body, reaching around to trail down his spine, around his hips, up his shoulder blades, studying him. The coffee dripped, smell growing stronger between them in the small, cramped kitchen that felt even smaller from being so close.

Dave reached to cup his stubbly jaw before stealing a kiss, then stepping backward out of his touch, tying the robe back up, “I made coffee, I dunno what you wanna eat.”

Kurt reached for a coffee cup, grabbing creamer out of the fridge and pouring himself a cup. Dave reached and poured himself a cup too, borrowing Kurt’s spoon after he flavored his coffee, grinning as their fingers brushed. Dave got himself a bowl of Lucky Charms while Kurt just took his cup of coffee out on the balcony where he pulled a cigarette from his pocket. Dave followed him, watching him spark up his cigarette, closing the door behind himself as he sat beside him on a plastic chair. The sun had warmed most of the frost from the night before which made it feel unseasonably warm as the sun beat down on them. Kurt let himself bask in the sun shirtless, something he rarely did.

He felt uninhibited around Dave, like he had the chance to be somebody totally different, somebody that the world didn’t have to know about. Someone who could just sit and enjoy themself. He exhaled a cloud of smoke, pulling his coffee up to his lips to sip at it. He stole a side-eyed glance at Dave, smiling that snarky grin of his, “You’re kind of like a puppy, you know that?”

Dave chewed harder on the cereal stuffed in his cheeks, fighting to chew and swallow it to defend himself. He gulped and whined, “What do you mean by that?”

Kurt laughed softly around a puff of his cigarette, “You follow me everywhere I go.” He turned to him, seeing his expression sink and hurried to clarify, adding positives, “You’re cute… you’ve got big sweet brown eyes. Everybody loves you..” he scooted closer, “You’re loyal… warm...”

“Uh huh,” Dave made a face.

“Sorry that probably wasn’t the right comparison to make.” he reached out to play with a piece of Dave’s long hair, “When are you gonna dye this back to normal?”

“… should I?” he looked self-conscious.

“I just think your natural hair color is nice.”

“Oh, you do?”

“Mmhm,” He took a long drag.

A quiet moment sat between them. Kurt finished his cigarette and crushed it into a little ashtray he kept beneath his chair, next to a long-dead potted plant. He sniffed at the air, declaring, “It’s gonna rain.”

Dave chuckled, finding his declaration amusing. “Oh yeah? When?”

“Give it five minutes.” Kurt smirked at him, finishing the rest of his coffee and walking inside. Dave followed. He started to notice that he really did follow Kurt around like a puppy. God, he was so obvious, Kurt had total control of him and they both knew it.

“Dammit,” he grumbled to himself and plopped down on the couch. Kurt disappeared into his bedroom for a moment, then came back with a pile of clothes in his hands.

“Here, you can wear these, I hope it all fits, I tend to buy a little bigger than my size, but I dunno.”

“Thanks,” he took the heap, setting it aside on the couch. He bit his lip, debating whether or not he was being needy in asking, “Do you have to be anywhere, do anything today?”

Kurt shook his head, stretching and yawning, “Nope, I’m free today.”

“Oh,” he tried to contain his excitement, “Well, what do you wanna do?”

Kurt took a seat beside him on the couch, shrugging, “I dunno, wanna watch a movie and be lazy? Get lunch later?”

“I would love to. What do you wanna watch?”

“Well.” He got up to pull a box of VHS tapes out, offering them to Dave to wade through. “I’ve seen everything in here so you pick.” He smiled, watching confusion fill his face as he looked through the numerous, unknown B-list horror movies and the occasional comedy. “I told you I’m a weirdo.”

“This is all foreign to me…” he chuckled, picking through the strange titles.

“I'm excited to see what you pick.” Kurt sneered, sitting on the couch with an amused look on his face. He reached at the coffee table and began rolling a joint. Dave continued to search through the obscure films until he made an “a-ha” sound, lifting ‘The Shining’ up out of the box.

“I know this one!” he looked so pleased with himself to have found something remotely familiar.

“Is that your final pick?”

“Well, I…” he set it aside and continued digging. He poured through all of them at least twice then settled, “Yes, I pick The Shining.”

“Alright. Pop it in.” he did, turning the TV on, flinching at the static shock that jolted him as he did so. He heard Kurt giggle.

“Hey, fuck you, man!”

Kurt licked the paper of the joint, gluing it together carefully, muttering, “Yeah, you would.” he looked up to smile at Dave, whose cheeks were a light pink.

He opened his mouth to rebuttal but came up short, floundering. Kurt just kept on grinning and patted the spot beside him on the couch. “C'mere,”

The VHS started playing movie trailers, Kurt looked up at the balcony window, smiling smug as rain drops began to crash against it. Dave rolled his eyes. “You gonna light that?”

He gestured at the joint hanging out of Kurt's mouth, sitting in his smug lips. “Mmhm,” he flicked a lighter to life over the end of it. He took a few puffs then handed it to Dave.

By the time they finished the joint the opening credits had ended and the movie was beginning. The room became darker as the sky outside darkened, the rain began to pound harder. A crack of thunder sounded nearby. Dave yawned, reaching across Kurt's shoulders in that typical move, smiling as Kurt let him put his arm around his shoulders. He even leaned into him and for a moment everything felt perfect. The movie quietly played between them as they cuddled, stealing glances at each other when the other wasn't looking.

Dave broke the silence between them, “Kurt?”

“Yeah?” light blue eyes met honey brown eyes.

Dave hesitated, feeling a little silly. Kurt saw that look on his face and grabbed his shirt, insisting, “Dave?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Kurt studied his face, quipping, “Dave I don't know if I'm ready for marriage, you just moved in.” he smiled a shit-eating grin.

“Kurt,” he whined.

“Okay, okay seriously. Yes, what's your question?” he turned to give him his full attention.

Dave twirled a lock of his hair nervously, looking anywhere but at Kurt. “Have.. have you.. I mean have you ever been, do you think that…” he got so frustrated with his own fear, “Kurt, have you ever been in love?”

The question hung heavy in the air for a moment, Kurt turned to look up at him. He studied his face harder, then blushed. “I…” he wasn't sure. At times he had thought he'd been in love, but it always turned out wrong. He didn't really know what functional love was. “I'm not sure. I really don't think so.”

Dave took his hand, fitting his fingers in the spaces between his, chest filling up with helium. Kurt looked up at his face, then down at his hand, feeling his nervousness. “Why do you ask?”

“Because.. I thought you might know what it feels like, I thought you might have some advice.” Was Dave asking if he was in love with him? He couldn't be. But the more he looked at him the more he realized that is exactly what he was asking. Or maybe he was confessing something. How could he be such an idiot? The way Dave was sweating, blushing, darting his eyes away.

“Dave.. are you…?” he was cut off by a rushed, heated kiss. The drummer was shaky as he wrapped his arms around Kurt's middle, pulling him up on top of him as he laid back into the couch. He broke the kiss only to kiss hungrily at Kurt’s neck, groaning against him and reaching down to grab a handful of his ass. Kurt breathed hard against him, “Dave, you.. were you gonna say that you l-”

“Don’t jinx it.” he thumbed the dimple of Kurt's chin, gazing up at his unbelievably blue eyes. Kurt smiled,

“Okay.”


End file.
